Pats on the back for me!!! And ICE CREAM!

I have completed NanoWrimo! At 50578 words (51029, according to Word's word counter) and 129 pages I am DONE! YAY ME. Oh look at how cool I am. Now I can actually do things again. "Sorry I applied late to your college, but I wrote a 50,000+ word long story YOU JERK!" Maybe I won't put it quite that way... Anyway. I'll probably get back to writing in two or three days (as I know you've been waiting on the edge of your seat for updates from me). I need to take a break for a while. Catch up on my Harvest Moon playing, you know, the important stuff...

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"

Ten guesses as to the book I just finished. No--not the comic book series of the first Kingdom Hearts. (Though I do own it...) It's Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad! And now that we have that lame Kingdom Hearts reference out of the way (the title) we can continue unheeded.

The book is based on Conrad's own travels up the Congo river, told in the form of the character Marlow. It's not up my alley. At all. I feel I should confess this before we move on. Maybe I didn't understand it (very possible) or what have you, but I just wasn't very interested. To be fair to Conrad, however, he is a very eloquent writer. He had very nice little statements and bits, it's just, the whole of the book didn't really capture my interest. Not my cup of tea. I'd say it's about a five or six, but Joey said he'd call it a nine or ten. Okay.

My favorite part came incredibly early in the beginning, probably only four or five pages in. In fact, there is no 'probably' about that statement. "'Now, when I was a little chap I had a passion for maps... At that time there were many blank spaces on the earth, and when I saw one that looked particularly inviting on the map (but they all look that) I would put my finger on it and say, 'When I grow up I will go there.'" Awww, it reminds me of myself when I was a tyke! Why? Well, I didn't do exactly that, but when I was a kid (until I was in about 4th grade, probably) I hadn't really ever taken a good, close look at a globe. I had only seen flattened maps. Since I had only ever seen all the world flat out in front of me like that (I was aware that the world was round, for the record) I didn't understand what the 'other side of the world' was. I thought there was some hidden, unmapped thing that was all jungles and full of mystery and adventures, and dinosaurs and Greeks and Egyptians that had preserved their ways. (I was always big into Greek history and culture and Egyptian mythology.) Imagine my disappointment when I studied a globe closely for the first time. Globes are the most depressing things in the world.

"It's queer how out of touch with truth women are. They live in a world of their own, and there has never been anything like it, and never can be. It is too beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before the first sunset." If I had a nickel for every author I know that's commented on this fact... I'd have at least ten dollars. I don't mind, I think they're funny. (Wasn't there an episode of Fairly Odd Parents where they split the world into the guy half and the girl half?)

"I don't like work--no man does--but I like what is in the work--the chance to find yourself. Your own reality--for yourself, not for others--what no man can ever know. They can only see the mere show, and never can tell what it really means." Basically, your outward appearance and your actions can never translate as fully to another person's mind as they do to you. How you perceive life is hidden, even if you're a madman, and the picture of life you have can never really be told or understood by anyone else.

"I take it, no fool ever made a bargain for his soul with the devil; the fool is too much of a fool, or the devil too much of a devil--I don't know which." I'm still puzzling over this one a little bit. Assistant Emma, care to throw in your two cents?

"'Intimacy grows quickly out there,' I said." (IE, in the jungle--on the Congo.) There's something very sweet about this that I like. It seems to carry a little wistful nostalgia, and like Marlow had a soft look in the eyes. I don't know how to explain it. I guess all the meaningfulness in this rests with my imagery, which is my own reality that is what no man can ever know! Oooooh, high five me!

This copy of the book (stolen from my teacher) also has Conrad's story The Secret Sharer in it, which I liked by leaps and bounds more. Like, if Heart of Darkness was a six, The Secret Sharer was a nine. The ironic thing is, I have no little eloquent bits from The Secret Sharer to share (secretly). The thing the book I disliked lack made me love the other. Buuuuut. Let's see, it's about a new captain of a ship. While taking an on-deck stroll, he discovers a man in the water and takes him up and hides the man in his chambers. So... that's cool. I don't really have anything more to say, so I'll write you later! Now, I get read about the Romanovs...

Shankspeare Faint-Not Sauce-Box

Back at school. Correction, back at school during the school day and not at one a.m. The only book I brought with me is The Terrible Tudors and Slimy Stuarts, another Horrible Histories book. I wonder if British kids--I guess adults now--ever see the books and go "Terry Deary! Mr Deary, I remember him! X grade history teacher! Good times?" If Marky Mark's books ever get published you can bet I'll do that. Anyways, you know how I feel about Horrible Histories books already. Hypothesizing and theorizing is kind of hard and not possible to do about pretty clear history such as this, so I'll be making brief and superficial comments, which are always awesome.

Background before we start, the Tudor era was from 1485-1603. Stuarts lasted from that end to 1714.

"1. Open sewers ran through the streets and carried diseases. 2. Toilets were little more than a hole in the ground outside the back door." Oh, how the mighty have fallen. First of all, the first flushing toilets were made in ancient Greece. By the dark ages, however, they were gone and we didn't get them back until... I don't even know. As for the streets, the famed 'first' city of Sumer was supposedly a mess similar to this--but visiting Indians (from India, not North Americans) made their own city based on improving that--clean, well-made gutters and defined and hidden sewers...

There is a sort section of speculation on Chris Marlowe's death. I don't even know why. Colin Firth did it! Didn't you guys see Shakespeare in Love? Okay, so he was all "I didn't do it I only rejoiced for I thought it was you" but he really just has failing eyesight and a lust for blood.

Want to know some popular Puritan baby names in the Stuart days? Helpless. Fight-the-Good-Fight-of-Faith. Kill-sin. Faint-Not. Search-the-Scriptures. And my personal favorite, If-Christ-had-not-died-thou-hadst-been-damned. Can you imagine just trying to call your kids to dinner? Or naming them that? Suddenly the names I have on my baby-naming list don't sound so strange, do they?


Wellll. So far, that's it... I seem to have found Mr Darcy's twitter, however.... http://twitter.com/DarcyToYou
Yes! I'm tweeting in an old-fashioned manner from henceforth. This is absolutely hilarious.

Big Brother is Watching You

First off, I am writing this at my school's annual write the night. Replace 'Heidi' with 'Angela' and this will probably happen at least once tonight: Even more appropriate because Marky Mark is hosting this event, with brief visitations by Robby D and Big Mikey. And hopefully Kool-Aid. Oh yes, Kool-Aid.

In case if you haven't guessed, I am on 1984 by George Orwell, which is an incredibly awesome book. For those of you thinking it's kind of like the Fairly Oddparents movie where gorillas take over, yeah... that's the joke. Those silly Gorillaz...

It's a totalitarian society set in, duh, nineteen eighty-four. It's the more pessimistic brother to Brave New World. (I don't feel I need to get into greater detail--after a while it's like, uh duh. Think of the comic book version of V for Vendetta. Cameras everywhere, watching everyone, everything is controlled and rationed. Fascism and bahh. I'm sorry; I can't concentrate. I've been stocking up on sugar all day and DISNEY SONGS.

There is the fear of Big Brother and the thought police, who are ready to spot you and kill you even if you so much as act a little bit different because that means you're having rebellious thoughts and must be killed. A bit like the SAT proctors. I mean... how would they find out if you've spread it around? Are they monitoring you? Yes, and then they take you out behind the chemical sheds and shoot you. IT IS LOGIC.

Early on, Winston says that when he drinks gin he imagines that it perspires through his skin. (This will be important later on! I didn't make a note of it the first time around, but this time I was all OH HEY NOW I GET IT MORE. THANK YOU MARKY MARK.) When I drink cream soda, I pretend it's gin and I'm Winston and all my problems are disappearing too! Does that make me depressed, or a pseudo-alcoholic? I've never drunken gin, for the record. I AM A GOOD PERSON.

"'Who controls the past,' ran the Party slogan, 'controls the future: who controls the present controls the past.'" See, the first part it kind of depends. Obviously, if the old controllers are overthrown, the future can't be controlled by them... oh wait. I'm being stupid again! That can apply either way, and basically just reinforces the second half... Ooh, how deliciously evil. I can dig it. Oh, wait, that would make me a terrible person. But you have to admit, if you're on top, nothing like that would be bad. Well, until V makes a deal with your second-hand man who you mercilessly verbally abuse.... Crud.

Ooh, my favorite scene is next. Winston's job is to falsify records and make up records, and the one we see him creating is a record of a Comrade Ogilvy, a model citizen in every respect. Winston's closing comment to his work is: "Comrade Ogilvy, who had never existed in the present, now existed in the past, and when once that act of forgery was forgotten, he would exist just as authentically, and upon the same evidence, as Charlemagne or Julius Caesar." I tried arguing the possibilities of this point in my journalism class last year, but Heidi was most opposed to it. But really, what an interesting idea! I mean, do we have for sure evidence that, say, the Caesars were real? That Charlemagne was real? A few texts mean nothing, arguably. I mean... Myths. They were over exemplified truths (we think) so who's (whose?) to say Vlad Dracul's murder sprees aren't the same? (Be nice, I can't think of anybody.) Or that anything is real! Reality is a lie! Find me a hippie commune! Now.

"Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious." Yes, it contradicts itself and makes you want to eat someone's face. But... it kind of makes sense. I mean, it never says anything about attaining full consciousness, right? I mean, just realizing something is wrong and should be differently could arguably be enough to make you say I want to change this. I want to uproot this. Which would be the thought of rebellion... and then after they rebel they have the whole world ahead of them... I think I lied. I have no clue what I'm talking about.

Oh, and a funny thing is that the party obviously wants to make the past seem awful and terrible and all ("Everybody's happy nowadays!") but when they talk about how awful the capitalists were--they always mention the top hats. Those damned top hats! Out, damned top hat, out! I disapprove. You know how I feel about Victorian-era dress. But... see, my theory is... you know how HG Wells apparently considered not wearing a hat a sign of insanity? They creators knew it was insane and by banishing top hats they banished sanity! Man, I'm like Bill Nye over here. Solving problems and stuff.

Winston ends up having a secret (for a while) affair with a girl named Julia... and he calls her a rebel "from the waist down". Exactly. She's just in it because she really likes sex. Her rebellion is a normal teenage to parent rebellion--I don't like your ways because they're your ways. And since they disprove of sex, she's just like sexy times all the time. So... that's fun. I guess. GAH. THEIR REBELLION ISN'T REAL AND THAT PART I HATE.

Also, there's this long scene where Winston is telling someone who he thinks is part of the Brotherhood (the rebellion) all he'd do for them--yeah, it sounds like in V for Vendetta (the movie) when Natalie Portman was like I'll help you, even if it means people will die and then chickens out. Winston doesn't have the guts for it, and Julia would maybe do it just because she's being a normal angry teenager who likes sex and throwing acid at children's eyes.

Also, a book Winston receives says that war is necessary for man to keep in touch with reality. Even less than that, conflict. Yeah--paradise can't exist. Being happy eternally is the same as being mediocre for eternity is being nothing for eternity. It sounds unpleasant. I'm not so much for war, but I am for interpersonal conflicts.

"'Sanity is not statistical.'" / "The point is, if there was only one person alive, it would be impossible for him to be insane." A paraphrasal which I can't possibly cite properly, because of course, the book with the quote in it is at home and I'm in school. At 8:57 PM, regardless of what Blogger claims.

"'We do not merely destroy our enemies, we change them.'" Basically a character in my NanoWrimo story's mantra. He totally brainwashes his enemy into becoming his most loyal vizier in an act of revenge that's a little too complicated to get into now.

Winston's greatest fear happens to be rats, which made us kind of bros, because my greatest fear happens to be mice. But the thing is, see, he's being threatened with the rats in these cages... and although I'm scared of mice, I'd only be scared if they were out of the cages. If I see mice in cages, I don't even care. Oh, it's a mouse. When it's out of a cage, however, that becomes OH SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS ALLAH BUDDHA THERE IS A GODDAMN MOUSE. And often much more foul language comes out too. I--I don't like mice. But my point is, good luck threatening me, O'Brien. Unless if you happen to have access to the first Jurassic Park movie, but too bad you destroyed it already! Yes! I win! I deserve candy! FEED.

All right, so that's cool. I guess I'll get to Nanowrimoing now. And making up various other verbs. So... bye?

God and death are none of my concern; I'm no philosopher

Woah! Apparently, blogger can now be accessed from school! So, maybe you will get updates from me in November... Like I said before, the reason why I'm really not writing is because of Nanowrimo, which I'm about 2,000 words behind on anyways. My story is confusing as hell and terrible, but that's beside the point. It's a free writing thing, 1500 words a day for a goal of I don't even know at the end of November. Somehow, someone weeds through all these and decides on one to be published, which is why I have hope for my awful story, because I read the one that was published a few years ago and wow! Ah... uh. How do I say this diplomatically? It was no Macbeth. It was no Hamlet. It was about a Romeo and Juliet. Maybe I'm garnering bad karma here, but dude. It was bleh.

Anyways, because I keep on forgetting to put my NanoWrimo on a hard drive I was just messing on the computer and here I am. Wishing I brought my Faustus book like I was planning to. However, I can complain about it without the book in hand. So, first off, the author, Christopher Marlowe, was the man of the time. After he was killed, Shakespeare was the coolest guy around, but Chris Marlowe was the main-er man. This book (play) of his is like the book of his. It's about Dr Faustus, an apparently accomplished doctor who decides within the first two pages suddenly that he wants to have the power to bring men from the dead. I hated Frankenstein, but Victor at least thought it out. Dr Faustus was just like, you know what I'm going to do today? Sell my soul to Satan. So the beginning was kind of sort of definitely rushed. (According to Wikipedia, Goethe's rewrite pins him as a man who wants more than earthly pleasures, IE, "earthly meat and drink." Which I think I prefer, gives him more of a back story, which Marlowe's chorus kind of failed at.)

One thing I can remember is Faustus demanding a wife from the demon he named his servant for his lifetime, Mephastophilis, and M. (you think I'm retyping that? Not in this lifetime.) summons a demon woman and Faustus says "Oh! What a hot a whore!" which made me practically die laughing. Just being honest... it was pretty hilarious.

What else can I remember off the top of my head? Faustus had an annoying personality, it was actually quite similar to Pip from Dicken's Great Expectations (bear with me on this). Pip started Dicken's book as a poor kid who wanted to be rich, then a rich kid who decided no, that wasn't so great so he made people's lives miserable, and I think somehow he became lower class again (though I've repressed it, so...) and then marries a girl who abused him as a little kid. Throughout all this, he wheedles and whines and whilst reading I often fantasized about hitting him over the head with a stovepipe. Basically, he was never happy, and he was a 'woe is me' fellow and nothing was ever great. Dr Faustus was basically the same--right after he trades his soul over to Satan he starts panicking (no sympathy, bro, it's not like you didn't know the end results) and regrets, but then somehow calms down again and goes to make everyone's lives miserable with his new demonic powers. Then he is going to die and cries that he's going to hell. It may seem a little mean that I'm calling him whiny, but seriously--he is warned a million times about this by M and even Lucifer, and even he's like oh eternal damnation! Crud! Aside from that, ugh. He and Pip have the kind of personalities I would kill someone for. Or maybe just punch them in the face.

Uh, what else? Later, Faustus sees Helen's summoned ghost (the Helen; Paris's Helen) and says the famous lines: "Was this the face that launch'd a thousand ships, and burnt the topless towers of Illium?" Which was awesome and may have been my favorite part just because I had no idea where those lines came from. I don't recall if they're said exactly in The Illiad (for example, they say she launched a thousand ships, but not exactly in this verse) unless if I missed it, but if not, it's kind of cool that this is where those famous lines came from. I love those lines, even if I can't figure out why Chris was so popular.

EDIT: An interesting scene is when M. talks about his life with Lucifer and how he came to fall into such state. (Faustus, the genius, asks M. where M. is damned. Uhhh, duhhhhh?) Even after wishing he could save M.'s soul (M. describes his fall in quite thorough detail, too) to give him thousands of souls (noble, and sweet), he still goes ahead with trading his soul over to Lucifer. Uh, what? Idiot. Speaking of Lucifer, Satan and Lucifer were trending topics on twitter today. Why...?

"'...Or as beautiful/As was bright Lucifer, before his fall.'" I never get this. Lucifer, before falling, was said to be beautiful--so beautiful his very skin glowed and sparkled as though from within (I'm paraphrasing from several sources) but obviously he's usually pictured as a red humanoid being with goat horns and goat legs and a tail. (I'm thinking it was inspired by Pan, a Greek god who was a bit of a trickster, loner, and kind of mean to humans.) I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS. I can imagine a subtle change, in the eyes or face, becoming cruel, hard, or narrow, but not such a dramatic change like this. There's no satisfying mythology regarding this (I don't really recall a thorough description of this change in Paradise Lost, just that his mindset had changed) and in church, I've noticed, they never seem to touch upon the darker things, here is a good example of an Episcopalian lesson: "Jesus was a good guy, and told many parables. One if his followers, Judas, was jealous and greedy and sold him out." Satan does appear on and off in the bible (I think the only time he physically appears in Jesus in the desert) but he's always... demonized. The stories we learn are always archetypes, like he was a wicked man, and then he was good. Jesus was always good. Moses was always good. (Until I saw The Prince of Egypt, I had no idea he beat an Egyptian man to death). Satan, always bad, never did he dream of anything more. (Accept my extremely biased opinions, thanks to John Milton). So, I think Lucifer's visage stayed just the same before and after. I mean, doesn't Satan come in a beautiful visage? Or something like that?

They make a reference to the tale of the hunter (I'm not spelling his name) and Diana--a hunter in the woods came across the goddess Diana bathing, and she became so enraged she splashed him with water and he turned into a doe and his own dogs turned upon him. Is it odd I like that one?

A servant calls someone "Sir Sauce-box". That probably was his job (or something like that) but. SAUCE-BOX. OH MY GOD. Shankspeare Sauce-Box??? Oh my God, yes. YES.

I know I'm just reiterating, but those lines about Helen are incredibly poetic. I'm keeping the book for those lines.

THE END.


What else have I read? I finished 1984, The Cartoon History of the Universe Volumes 1&2, and am currently in the midst of The Terrible Tudors and Slimy Stuarts (A Horrible Histories book!) and The Arabian Nights, which the publishers decided would be made better if they only collected ten out of the original 250+ stories from The Thousand and One Nights. (Whose idea was this!?)

In other news, I need a nap badly.

"We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever."

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Okay, so technically it's the night before, but trust me, I won't be done until at least January '098, so that's cool.

And, because I love you guys: HAHAHA. Marky Mark's my hero. True story. And, okay: LOLOLOLOL. Ugh, the 'stache is so creepy... YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT... Guhghfff. He said he was either being James Joyce or Burt Reynolds.

And... So far I haven't seen a satisfactory picture of me... I hope Meg didn't delete the other ones... but if one should arise, trust me, it's going up here.

So Joey asked to borrow the Cosmos book so I figured I should step up my game, you know. Also, who wouldn't want to write about Carl Sagan? Zero people. Zero. Actually, at the homecoming game today a druggie was talking to me about how cool he thinks Carl Sagan is. At first I was like, "How did he know!?" But then I remembered my 'Carl Sagan is my Homeboy' shirt, so...

I can't possibly go over everything in response form again. Actually, in one of my early posts I'm pretty sure I just had one that was just gushing over Sagan and Cosmos (the TV series). So, you get little tidbits. PS. I LOVE CARL SAGAN.

"We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever."

"We are, each of us, a multitude."

On the 'canals' of Mars: "The power of Lowell's idea may, just possibly, make it a kind of premonition. His canal network was built by Martians. Even this may be an accurate prophecy: If the planet is ever terraformed, it will be done by human beings whose permanent residence and planetary affiliation is Mars. The Martians will be us." Reminds you of the end of The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury, huh? Well, Marky Mark would be reminded of that! He borrowed it from me a quite enjoyed it. Because it's awesome. But besides that, the final scene (SPOILER ALERT) is this father promising his son they'll see real live martians. At the end they are floating in a boat on a canal and the father says, basically, there are the Martians, look. And they see their reflections and all. It's hard to really get it without the context and understand all of the awesomeness, but maybe you should read the book and not just my spoilers. (Kidding, I love you!)

"We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"--Tombstone epitaph of two amateur astronomers

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."

Okay, if you've never taken an astronomy class, there are many theories of the universe's creation and existence and all. One theory is the model of the pulsating model, which unless I failed that astronomy quiz means it's a universe that expands to a certain point and then bounces back. Carl's wondering on what that would mean if true: "Will people at such time be born in the grave and die in the womb? Will time flow backwards?" What an interesting an idea! (Don't bring up Benjamin Button, okay?) I mean... living life backwards entirely. Would you remember? Would it still be just as new? I mean... it's such a cool theory! Immortality is a strange science, though, certainly.

"A book is made from a tree. It is an assemblage of flat, flexible parts (still called 'leaves') imprinted with dark pigmented squiggles. One glance at it and you hear the voice of another person--perhaps someone dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, the author is speaking, clearly and silently, inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people, citizens of distant epochs, who never knew one another. Books break the shackles of time, proof that humans can work magic."

"If we do not speak for the Earth, who will? If we are not committed to our own survival, who will be?"

"The Cosmos may be densely populated with intelligent beings. but the Darwinian lesson is clear: There will be no humans elsewhere. Only here. Only on this small planet. We are rare as well as an endangered species. Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another."

_

I would love to have met him, but he died in '96, I believe. It's funny, but he's almost completely parallel to how important and inspiring Matisyahu is to me as well. (Because Carl Sagan was an atheist and Matisyahu is a Jewish rapper/reggae guy.) But I think science and religion are sort of exactly the same things, too. Like how love and hate are really just the same thing basically. Like, again, in The Martian Chronicles Spender talks about how the Martian religion and Martian science completely intertwined. Neither contradicted each other, they were perfect together... They simply were. I mean, both are sort of the same deep down. If you think about it. I think it was Kepler who said this--"Science is my religion." And the opposite is true as well: religion is my science. Both exist. They don't have to be at odds.

I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes, these soles are useless without you

Hey, look! Here I am, writing. What book did I finish... The Four Loves by CS Lewis! What books am I still reading? (That doesn't sound grammatically correct...) Cosmos by Carl Sagan and 1984 by George Orwell! Guess what I'm putting off! Correct! My application to Fordham! Yeaaaaaaah. Look. This time it's not my fault. My parents are both asleep (yes, at 8:30 p.m.) and I haven't exactly memorized my social security number. So. Come on, mom. But I did finally edit my college essay and do a million pages of homework for Marky Mark because he's obviously trying to kill me slowly.




So, I was going to pretend I remembered things from Language & Composition last year and treat The Four Loves like an EPL assignment because it's a nonfiction essay (cough, book, cough) and actually pick out the different EPL things but I can only remember Ethos and part of Logos and good news, that notebook is lost in the dark recesses of my closet. Under my astronomy binder, actually. But trying to get it would be painful and would most likely make me cry, or something. But! I can do Ethos: Extrinsic: CS Lewis? Are you kidding me? Maybe you've heard of something called.... The Chronicles of Narnia? AKA, amazing children's fantasy book series that wipes the floors with Harry Potter? Don't get me wrong, I like Harry Potter, but really, it's no contest. Oh, and if you've only seen the movie version of The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe and Prince Caspian you are missing out so incredibly much. (Again, I think I just killed the English language). Seriously. Those books are soooo much better! I love them! Except for A Horse and His Boy. And the end of The Last Battle is a little disheartening, but... Look, that's beside the point. But I love CS Lewis.
Intrinsic: He really wants to share his view on what he believes the four loves are?

So, yeah, that's basically it. Being nonfiction, I don't really feel comfortable saying it was 'good' or not, nonfiction seems to me to be either interesting or not. This was interesting.

"We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become Gods: then they become demons." This I thought was interesting. CS Lewis's Christianity is pretty well known, especially through the obvious parallels between religion and various bits in The Chronicles of Narnia, cough cough, ASLAN. Other parts too, but if you don't get Aslan is supposed to be Jesus, come on guys. But yeah. It's pretty well-documented. Anyway, he was a born-again (kind of) so I was worried he'd be a little... intense. However, when I saw this I got excited. Very few people are willing, or do realize that God, angels, demons, are all the same thing, really. Actually, I first read the idea in an early chapter of Berserk by Kentaro Miura and it knocked me off my feet. ("'But if you look at it a different way, it might be proof that there's something beyond human understanding in this world. For instance, what're called gods... or something...' 'Don'tcha mean devils?' '...Who knows? Aren't they the same thing?'") Since I've literally seen the idea in only one other place, I was incredibly excited to see this. A bad mark on my part, but I was scared he'd be a crazy zealot. But to see that kind of gives a strange air of... level-headedness? Admitting that nothing perfect? Abraxes, Abraxes. I don't know.

(Leading off of the above quote--) "Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred." I was actually going to talk (again) about how love and hate are basically the same exact things only in different minor classifications, but I'll actually just name-drop Berserk again, how about that? Griffith from the series led a band of mercenaries called the Hawks and besides looking literally of unearthly beauty, especially in the manga. Most of these people he led were really kids--orphans found on the battlefield, children who escaped from slavery and so on. They had no one but him and the worshiped him. He was given that God-love. High of power and by his own ambition, he goes a little bit crazy, sacrifices basically all of his followers and his humanity to literally become a member of the Godhand, a demigod, acting out God's Will. (There's an interesting theory on God, but I won't get into that now...) Sooo. Yeahhh. Shout-outs to Miura...

"The human mind is generally far more eager to praise and dispraise than to describe and define." Yeah, I've noticed. We are more likely to make it necessary to call a logical fallacy on ourselves than not. I'm calling logical fallacies, too. With my ninja stars of correct rhetoric.

"There may come an occasion for renouncing this love; pluck out your right eye. But you need to have a right eye first." If you're not familiar with what CS Lewis is referring to: "If thine right eye offends thee, pluck it out." From page who even knows in the Bible. Basically, God I love you so much that if you didn't like my right eye (a metaphor, I'm thinking) I would be totally cool with you just taking that eye right out of my head. That... that's a little intense. But I thought it was interesting because it says... well, I think it's saying... you can reject matronly and natural affections, but there has to have been love there in the first place. I took it to mean love of God (in any form), actually. You can reject this religious being, any religious being, but only if there had been something in the first place. If you've never bothered to understand or take some research in the matter, you can't really say "I reject you", because you don't know exactly what you're rejecting. Does that... does that make sense? Well, if it does, then it applies to other things as well: any idea, really.

"The last thing we would want is to make everything else just like our own home. It would not be home unless it were different." What is it... the saying... "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? If everything's like home... I'd imagine it would feel fairly oppressive.

OH, and CS Lewis complains about patriotism in a zealous form. Yeah? It's because... IT'S A LOGICAL FALLACY, BABYYYY. 'FLAG-WAVING'.

"Affection has its own criteria. Its objects have to be familiar. We can sometimes point to the very day and hour when we fell in love or began a new friendship, I doubt if we ever catch Affection beginning. To become aware of it is to become aware that it has already been going on for some time." / "Elizabeth's spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr Darcy to account for his ever having fallen in love with her. 'How could you begin?' said she. 'I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had made a beginning; but what set you off in the first place?' 'I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.'" (Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, of course. )

"We hear a great deal about the rudeness of the rising generation. I am an oldster myself and might be expected to take the oldsters' side, but in fact I have been far more impressed by the bad manners of parents to children than by those of children to parents." One, oh my God, did he for real just say 'oldster'? Love you! Two, he goes on to say that the way parents more often than not treat their children would be enough to completely sever a relationship with anyone else and it's unfair to assume the younger generation doesn't know anything, because they understand more than the 'oldsters' give them credit for. Then, after all this nastiness and domineering attitudes, adults tend to get agitated at the fact that their children are always out and prefer to be out, especially in other homes. His response to them: "Who does not prefer civility to barbarism?" Being a youngster, I am obviously more inclined to agree with him. It is unfair, and anyone knows their parents can be nasty or whatever. And yeah, at someone else's house, whose parents are going to scream and be nasty to you? Zerooo. So. That's cool. CS Lewis, adopt me? Uh, oh. wait. Damn! (Bring me a gramme!)

"How if the deserter has really entered a new world which the rest of us never suspected? But if so, how unfair! Why us? Why was it never opened to us?" The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Peter and Edmund (Edmond? Can you just be Ed?)? Hm? But the main point he's trying to prove is when people grow up and change we get jealous and reject the new thing, but at the same we sometimes get jealous that they've changed and the change hasn't come into our life.

An interesting bit was when CS Lewis talks about man's need for animals--not only does, say, a dog make you feel like you have family and a loved one, it also gives you a sort of sense of power. This creature is entirely reliant on you because you've babied it. He's not saying beat your animal and starve it, but people make pets (namely dogs) into things unrecognizable from their roots completely. By keeping it from its true potential and 'wild side' (I don't know of a better way to put it) you're kind of "spoiling" its life. I don't know, I just thought it was an interesting albeit unexpected point.

"Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by the fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend." I think this is more of a perfect world deal. It's much more likely jealousy will ensue, and so will the feelings of an unfortunate one quick becoming a third wheel. Very rarely will this situation actually arise and exist for any extended period of time. For example, the only friendship in my own life where three isn't a crowd is probably when I hang out with Robby D JR and Emma. There's equality and I don't feel like the third wheel. In pretty much any friendship situation, no matter how good friends I am with one or both, I'm basically always the odd man out. Then again, CS Lewis says "True friendship is the least jealous of loves." Note the true. Feeling the love, Emma? I think it means jealousy in between, though. Not towards the people themselves, just the attention paid, if that makes sense...

"But if Friendship were used for this purpose we might mistake the symbol for the thing symbolized." There's nothing much to say except I wanted to bring up the fact that, while this isn't a deadly sin, it's a dangerous problem (mixing the symbol and thing symbolized). John Milton makes it quite clear in Paradise Lost that Satan cannot tell the difference and often confuses the two, hence why he starts his 'backward' campaign and hence why, or part of the reason why, he is a pitiable character, at least in that context.

"Love you? I am you"--Charles Williams. I liked that quote. It was in a really weird context, though. He was thinking about what it means when lovers say they... 'eat'... each other... Which was just weird. He meant that the intensity of their feelings completely enveloped each other in a roaring, almost violent way, but still. I was like... CS Lewis... you're making me a little uncomfortable. I know the slang has probably changed a little but yeah, I'm just gonna skip a few paragraphs...

"William Morris wrote a poem called 'Love Is Enough' and someone is said to have reviewed it briefly in the words 'It isn't'."

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal." And he goes on to say that basically a life denying love completely and wholly (which I believe is completely impossible, even, say, for sociopath) you're basically in hell. Like, you don't automatically get damned (gramme?) but you literally live in hell while alive. You dig? I mean... you're basically isolated of your own decision. Actually, it's kind of funny because of that saying, you know, "hell is other people." Ironic, maybe. Irony!

"Neither of you now plays conkers." What... what the hell is 'conkers'? They most definitely didn't have N64's of Xboxes back then, so there's no way bad fur days could be involved. Anybody... Anybody laughing? Oh okay, cool.

"To know that one is dreaming is to be no longer perfectly asleep." Yeah, but it's nice when your dream is about an English teacher who has trained dinosaurs to kill you for a chance at a million dollars. Yes, it was Big Mikey. What a weird dream. But in all seriousness, yeah, it's true. But when you're having a nightmare--it helps.

In other news, Cronkilicious lost a book of mine and offered to buy me a new copy... I feel really bad... but I can't remember the title, so maybe I don't have to worry. If he buys me a book in return I'm going to feel like a jerk... I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON!

And Robby D finished Survivor... Yeah, he said the near-the-end scene in the porn landfill was a little strange. Totally forgot about that. Completely. Uh... maybe I shouldn't lend you his other books, because it only gets more awkward from here in.

And even though the date is whatever, we dressed up for Halloween... best outfit, aside from the Pacman group and Quailman? Marky Mark was Montressor. (From 'The Cask of Amontillado'.) As in, "For the love of God, Marky Mark!" "Yes, for the love of God!" Remind me not mess with him. Robby D shaved his beard and left the 'stache for Halloween... Oh God, I don't even want to talk about it. You know how I feel about moustaches. UGH. I don't even like thinking about the... HE LOOKED LIKE BURT FREAKING REYNOLDS. GAHHH. Man, you know who has a really gross moustache? Bob Dylan. This isn't the worst, but I'm taking pity on your virgin eyes. I HATE EVEN THINKING ABOUT MOUSTACHES. It just makes me want to wipe my upper lip. JMHFFLTYDSNJRSZJMFH.

Anyways... As for me? Well, I've written a few plays... and a book or two... perhaps you've heard of me... Oscar Wilde.


(And regarding the title... CS Lewis actually mocks that dramatic love... like... of intense self-sacrifice and all that. But it felt appropriate, you know...)