A balrog of Morgoff!

Well, in an unprecedented event, I not only finished my novel early, I finished it at 56,191 words. Yep. I'm the first student to have done it twice too, so you know, I should just get an Emmy now. Or Oscar. Tony?
What this means is, you get to hear me ramble on about The Hobbit unless if Gary's flagging of my blog gets it deleted, because Gary is so cool like that. Anyway.



Okay, so... Uhm. I liked it more than I did when I was kid, but it still doesn't hardly measure up to The Fellowship of the Ring. It was kind of like A Horse and His Boy, except instead of being mediocre and going to terrible, it was good going to mediocre-on-the-brink-of-terrible. I loved the beginning, but Smaug's death still seems terrible and hackneyed (for different reasons now, as I noticed something important* that made me retract my previous dislikes of his death) and the battle after that and such. I suppose I should have included a spoiler alert, but good news it's too late.

This book is of course about Bilbo Baggins and his adventure, alluded to within both the Lord of the Rings movies and books, and tells of the killing of Smaug the dragon, and Bilbo's procurement of the Ring, and a goblin war that's blah blah blah.

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit" (1). I love this opening line, always have, even when I hated the book. I love it. It's just a good book opening. (Also see, Pride and Prejudice.)

"'Dragons steal gold and jewels, you know, from men and elves and dwarves, wherever they can find them; and they guard their plunder as long as they live (which is practically forever, unless they are killed), and never enjoy a brass ring of it. Indeed they hardly know a good bit of work from a bad, though they usually have a good notion of the current market value; and they can't make a thing for themselves, not even mend a little loose scale in their armor*'" (23). I saw this and instantly I forgave Tolkien for the seemingly super-ridiculous way Smaug died, because of course I didn't notice the foreshadowing. Though I still don't like how he was killed, but it's just that it seemed random--like oh, we're switching narrative to this random human, yay! he killed the dragon! And now we're going to have a war! Marky Mark said that after stuff is necessary to show Bilbo's development and probably it is but yuck, yuck, yuck. (Oh, and does this description of a dragon sound similar to one from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader?)

Ah, the cockney trolls! I'm sure I had to have mentioned before Marky Mark telling us about the interpretation of this book which I can't remember the exact name of, but I'm going to pretend it's the socialism view or some such. Well, regardless of its name, it's the idea that the book is very much based on class. Smaug is the socialist, uh, overlord, with these riches and such, money his pockets are swollen with without actually having to do anything for it (because he's at the top of the pile) and Bilbo is the middle class fellow who doesn't really do a thing, kind of bourgeois (which I believe is the word Marky Mark used, though the spelling and pronunciation are quite different--boor-zwa-zee is how it sounded, and since I've never heard that word spoken unless if it was in fact the one he used--) and easily living fellow, and the trolls are the lower class. Indeed, they are the only characters who have real accents and such, easily recognized as cockney, almost always associated with the lower class. Examples of speech: "'Mutton yesterday, mutton today'" (35), "'Never a blinking bit of manflesh have we had for long enough... what the 'ell was William a-thinkin' of to bring us into these parts at all, beats me--and the drink runnin' short, what's more'" (35). Tom, Bill and Bert--very lower class names, too. But, yeah. Uh... I don't really know where I was going with that. But it was absolutely fantastic to hear Marky Mark doing the cockney accents. There's a guy that should do audio books!**


"Gandalf thought of most things; and though he could not do everything, he could do a great deal for friends in a tight corner" (65).

"'Go back?' he thought. 'No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only one thing to do! On we go!' So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter" (69). Oh hey, Northern Courage, perhaps? And I just love Bilbo at this very moment.

So, in the caverns, underground after escaping the goblins, Bilbo runs into Gollum, as you may or may not know. Anyway, they have a riddle game, as is common in fantasy tales, at least so far of what I've noticed. There's not really much to say other than it is a good thing I'm not a fantasy hero, in this case. I'd be done. "'A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid'" (75). Granted, Bilbo asks that of Gollum, but still. I'd just be like "I give" or run. I don't freaking know. What do you think it is? I had no clue--but the answer is apparently an egg. Which makes sense, but I'd never come up with it. And, another smidgen about the riddles: "'Dark!' [Frodo] said without even scratching his head or putting on his thinking cap" (75). There is something intensely adorable about the idea of having a physical thinking cap necessary for deep thought.

One thing I love about the way Gollum is handled, at least in this book (I cannot vouch for the other two Lord of the Rings books, at least not yet) is how Gollum's little, uh, schizophrenic tirades are treated. They are not only seperated by paragraph between Gollum and Smeagul, or however they should be referred to, I don't know, but they have separate quotation marks as though it really is two separate people speaking. Which, I guess technically sort of in a weird way it is.

"'Escaping goblins to be caught by wolves!' he said, and it became a proverb, though we now say 'out of the frying-pan into the fire' in the same sort of uncomfortable situations" (98). Ahhh, there's that making up explanations thing I talked about in my last post. The most obvious and clearest one yet, I daresay.

Riding the eagles=Riding the owls in The Silver Chair? Once you start looking for similarities, you just can't stop.

OH, and he's something I meant to mention ten thousand years ago. One of the dwarves traveling with Bilbo is Balin. Remember the tomb in The Fellowship of the Ring...?

"[Smaug] had passed from an uneasy dream (in which a warrior, altogether insignificant in size but provided with a bitter sword and great courage, figured most unpleasantly) to a doze, and from a doze to wide waking" (215). Oh hi foreshadowing, what's up? (Partial foreshadowing, if there is such a thing--)

"Suddenly Bilbo pointed: 'There is that old thrush again!' he cried. 'He seems to have escaped, when Smaug smashed the mountain-side, but I don't suppose the snails have!'" (255). Sometimes Bilbo is so cute I can't even stand it.

"'Good-bye and good luck, wherever you fare!' said Balin at last. 'If you ever visit us again, when our halls are made fair once more, then the feast shall indeed be splendid!' 'If you are ever passing my way,' said Bilbo, 'don't wait to knock! Tea is at four; but any of you are welcome at any time!'" (292). Marky Mark pointed this out to us for some reason, but I can't remember exactly why. In any case, it's another 'Bilbo can I just hug you?' moment. I love him! Hobbits are the best.


Let's see... So yeah. I suppose it's worth reading, I mean, a lot of people enjoy this book. I'm planning on reading it with the kid I'm tutoring (because he didn't want to read Narnia--I wish I could say I was kidding) because it's obviously much simpler than the other LotR books, and yeah, the Narnia thing. I mean--refusing to read Narnia!? Good lord. This world is dissolving fast into madness. Anyway, it's skippable. The first three or four chapters of The Fellowship of the Ring basically cover the whole book--it's worth reading (The Hobbit, I mean) but that intro is certainly sustainable and possibly even preferable. Well, for me, at least, because I'm terrible like that.

And, one more little fun anecdote which you probably won't care for at all. I've mentioned before that I read the book in fifth grade and hated, nay, reviled it. Detested it. But for whatever reason, I could not bring myself to get rid of my copy of it. I was incredibly attached to it, though I cared little for its contents--there was something about the cover that drew me and enchanted me. So I'd always put it out with books to get rid of then secretly take it back, as the thought of not having it pained me considerably. So, finally, this summer we completely redid my bedroom, and I went through all my books before putting them on my new shelf. I came across my old abused copy and had an intense issue over getting rid of it. I finally had to go somewhere, so I left the book (which was in rather poor condition, because it wasn't really loved like my other books--it was just kind of chilling in the netherworld of my closet like Gollum in his cave) on my bed, knowing I'd just put it back on my shelf when I got home.
My mom, however, saw it, and thought "Why, Angela hates this book! I'll get rid of it for her", and did so.
Now, when I told Marky mark I'd like to reread The Hobbit and give it a fair chance, he misunderstood and thought I needed a copy to borrow, and offered me an old school's copy--the same edition as mine had been. Fortunately, my brother had his own copy of The Hobbit and Marky Mark allowed me to trade Thomas's nice brand spanking new never been touched copy for the abused school's copy. So that was awesome of him! (The edition in question--this is best picture I could get, sorry: http://www.biblio.com/details.php?dcx=203515591&aid=frg )
Yup. I still am not completely sure why I should have been so attached to the book if I really did hate it, but understandable or not, this edition of The Hobbit:me::The Ring:Gollum.

**(Speaking of audiobooks, I saw the audiobook edition of A Clockwork Orange the other day--I don't even know.)

Tell me, where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him.

Well! As I'm comfortably (kind of) ahead and I need to study for a quiz on this book, I feel like I should write this up. Oh, and because it made my feelings toward JRR Tolkien do a complete 180. Marky Mark has made me a Lord of the Rings dork. He has made me even dorkier. I am so full of dork right now. So full.

Obviously we read The Fellowship of the Rings. I am going to assume that if you haven't read it you've at least seen the movie and not bother with preliminaries. If you haven't read it, DO IT NOW. If you haven't seen the movie, DO IT NOW. Come on, even when I had a blood grudge against Tolkien I at least liked the movies. Now I love at least the one book more, though I have difficulty loving Bilbo as much. Anyway.

My first note regards the mentioning of Bree--hardcore Narnia fans will get it, maybe. If not, in the third book the 'horse' of the title is named Bree-hee-hinny-hoo-ha. I have several marks like this, for example, there is a mentioning of a place in Middle Earth called Etten Moor (or something similar to that). In Narnia, there is a land known as Ettinsmoor. Also, in the sixth and seventh Narnia books there are the dragons that live deep underground to be awoken when the final moments of Narnia are nigh, to strip the land and destroy it and eventually die themselves. Marky Mark gave us a brief history of the Balrog--a beast sleeping under the earth till the dwarves accidentally woke it up and it wreaked havoc till Gandalf killed it. Oh hey similarities. Of course, they were close friends and commiserated often. And apparently the fact that CS Lewis took such a short time in writing and publishing his books made it look like Tolkien got his ideas from Lewis when his books were finally finished annoyed the heck out of Tolkien.

I didn't like Peter Jackson's interpretation of Bilbo flipping out over the Ring. It seemed... I don't know, too much. Or not enough. What bothered me more was the second time Bilbo sees the Ring, when Frodo has it. In the movie, he flips out and morphs for a second into a '28 Weeks Later' zombie and gets all creepy-like, in the book it's much more... subtle, I guess. "To his distress and amazement he found that he was no longer looking at Bilbo; a shadow seemed to have fallen between them, and through it he found himself eyeing a little wrinkled creature with a hungry face and bony groping hands" (260). I imagined more of a pathetic little creature, like Gollum. Which I guess isn't necessarily subtle... just not as intense as Jackson made it. I mean, it made it hard to feel bad for Bilbo. It was just kind of, I don't know, shocking.

"'I pity snails, and all that carry their homes on their backs'" (78). Aw, Frodo's so cute. Can we hang out?

Marky Mark said that Tolkien wanted to create sort of sayings, if you know what I mean. I'm not really sure how to describe what I mean, other than giving examples: "Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger" (94) and "Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes" (94). He also wanted to offer explanations for many unknown things, like the rock formations and megaliths common in Europe--the most common being Stone Henge. And the nursery rhyme about the cow jumping over the moon, that finds its 'root' in a nonsense song made up by either Bilbo or Frodo.

"'But where shall I find courage?' asked Frodo. 'That is what I chiefly need.' 'Courage is found in unlikely places'" (95).

Oh, here's a note that no one but I will care for. At one point, Tolkien says Frodo hears a babel of voices, or something along those lines. And I was all, hey, JRR, ever heard of the word babble? Because that's what people use. But then, I was all HEY! The tower of Babel! The Biblical story? It all sounded like Babel because all of a sudden everyone was speaking a different language! Then I was like, hey, that's probably where the word 'babble' came from! Sooooo.... yup. Just call me a professor of, um, philology (sp?).

"'Not all those who wander are lost'" (195).

"'You were very fond of Bilbo, were you not?' he asked. 'Yes,' answered Frodo. 'I would rather see him than all the towers and the palaces in the world'" (257). Love!

"'Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens'" (315). Easily my favorite quote of the book. Gimli, high five? Yes?

"'I had a funny dream an hour or two before we stopped, Mr Frodo,' he said. 'Or maybe it wasn't a dream. Funny it was anyway.' 'Well, what was it?... I haven't seen or thought of anything to make me smile since we left Lothlorien'" (430). There is something I love about this little exchange, even though it is nothing of huge bearing, or importance. I just like it....

So yep. I'll be reading the rest of the series once I have less on my plate, though first I'll be going back to reread The Hobbit, a book I previously despised, but am now willing to give a second chance. Now, back to my novel! Fare thee well!

So, where exactly is Gandalf? Well, I happened to catch him at his new job the other day... Something about it just seems to suit him.

We're all damned

Tonight is the last night among the living, as tomorrow the novel-writing madness shall begin and I shall kill myself, as I will also have drama club kicking into high gear, I'll have at least two essays and two health projects due and also I'm supposed to do three hours of volunteer work for health class which is kind of BS since I've clocked over 100+ hours over the last four years. Just saying. Anyway, should this be my last post among the living, get a Video Ouija game so we can still talk. God, that baby never shuts up, does it!?

It's only forever, not long at all.....

Today I am sharing my views of a very special, special book. No, it's not 'special' like a Psyduck (wouldn't that technically be a compliment?). It's special in that, so far as I know, it has not been mass-produced though I assume one day it will be, and so far as I know, I'm the only person other than the author's daughters and probably wife and maybe closest friends who have ever read this. Shwat? The book in question is a product of Nanowrimo, written by none other than Mark A Fabrizi, AKA Marky Marky. (Free plug! He owes me. No, I didn't mention his name so I could be one of those jerks who are all, 'I was into this before you were, so I'm better than you'... well, maybe.) Anyway, I can't say when the book will happen, if ever (though I doubt he would let it wither on the vine) but I think it's pretty cool that I would be part of the reviewing process and stuff. So we're finally bros, yes?

Anywayyyyy. The book is Rubykon. The title is the name of a magical world, which a girl tumbles into and has ADVENTURES, with an ending which I really wasn't expecting. The two sisters are named after Marky Mark's own children (as well as Juliana's guide to Rubykon, Woobie, who is named after a teddy bear that is Juliana's I believe) and the book is also dedicated to them, which proves he does have a heart after all. Anyway, being a fantasy book we can say that yes, there's a quest, there's a villain, and the world is at stake, or at least Saroolean. And, before I go on, what do you think that 'A' stands for? Antony? I hope it's Antony. You know, Mark Antony? Yeah? Yeah. (God, I am so funny. Sooooo funny.)

Anyway, when Juliana is new in Rubykon, Woobie (who lived there originally, but got lost in a portal to our world and ended up as Juliana's) tells Juliana she should see the emperor. Juliana asks of Woobie: "'Is he human like I am? Is he an animal, like a lion?'" (29). Ohhh, reference! I can dig it, Aslan.

Oh, and at another point Juliana is mocked for believing in dragons; she is told they're but fairy stories and she needs to "'focus on reality'" (74). I LOVE when fantasy novels do that, or whatever. You know, the main character's in some strange new world and they're like, "Oh when are we going to see (x)!" and they just get shot down. I feel like that happens in The Silver Chair, like either Eustace or Puddleglum shoot down something Jill says. Maybe. The point is, I chuckled most heartily.

"'Nothing is certain but the attempt'" (80). I am most enjoying of that saying, Marky Mark. Kudos. And then Sneblin (a character whom comes into Juliana's and Woobie's party shortly after their travels begin) is all, [my kind] may fail, but we always make the attempt. Whoop, there it is! The idea of Northern courage, perpetuated by JRR Tolkien and just recently taught to me by Marky Mark himself. The idea of it is to press on even when there's hardly any hope--to quit is the coward's action. Northern, because this was a belief firmly upheld by the Norse tribes--you see, if you died in battle fighting bravely, you'd be whisked off to Valhalla to wine and dine with the gods until Ragnarok. Ragnarok was the final battle, gods vs. the giants, where if you were human you were pretty much dead for a second time automatically. So, their whole lives were basically hopeless, as they'd be killed twice. Sooo. Yep.

"'Ignorance breeds confidence'" (83). Oh, that it does, that it does.

The city Juliana must go to is Saroolean as I'm sure you've gathered--its other name is 'the Blue City'. OHHHH. I laughed so hard when I realized that. Wasn't Cerulean Misty's town? Maybe? It would make sense, seeing as that was the water gym and all... Actually, while I'm thinking of it, was Lt. Surge really a Lieutenant at some point? I don't think he looked old enough to have been a lieutenant (though it has been a while). And why would they even have armies in Pokemon lands? It'd be all, oh, "I have an army of 5,000 men!" and I'd be all "Well, my Tyranitar knows earthquake, so...."

"Was that what life was like then? One traveled with others, learning a little about them, then moving on to new friends while the others became relegated to memories and pictures. Was this what great thinkers meant when they said we are truly [alone] in the world?" (126). Aw. That's minorly depressing. But it seems to ring at least partially true. Who knows? Not I, not yet.

Anyway. I loved the whole book, save for the very, very end. If you'd like me to spoil a book before you can even get your mitts on it, read on: Well, Juliana eventually has the chance to return home. But, she does not. Which is altogether not surprising--I mean, if you shipped me off to Narnia and expected me to return home--nah, it isn't happening. I wouldn't want to go back to my humdrum life. But I mean--her parents! Her friends! It says eventually their memories will fade (as they've forgotten they have another daughter, and Juliana even forgot about her sister) but stilllll. It just bothered me. I don't know...

But, I did enjoy the book, and I certainly would give it to a child, even my own, if they were into that sort of thing. They'd probably get it anyway. With me for a mother it would be genetically impossible for them not to be a fantasy dork. Sorry future child, it's encoded in my genes. Man. So. Look for this book sometime in the up to five year future, I'd nary. Then when you go back and comment on this, you'll be all, "Angela, you're right, that was awesome!" and I'll be all, "Yeah, but you're not a true fan, because I liked Marky Mark before you." Burn.

Don't come closer or I'll have to go

Hey guys! I recently read another book of John Green's (of youtuber fame) entitled Looking For Alaska. Good, good, goooooooooooood book. Fantastic. (I've decided that people don't use that word enough today. Let's bring it back.) To illustrate exactly how good it is, I fell asleep reading it. Usually I can pull away from a book before I pass out. But oh! John Green held me with his vice grip and would not let me g.... uh. That looks weird written out. S--sorry, John... But I would recommend the book. A good read, indeed.

Anyway, let's meet our protagonist, Miles, soon to be renamed 'Pudge'. He is transferring high schools to a boarding school, leaving behind a nonexistent social life and taking with him a love for last words. (Oh, hi John! My favorite may be, "Tell them I said something!" This is also the one of the only two John Green videos I've ever watched, for the record.) So, he meets a bunch of cool cats, like the Colonel, ALASKA, Takumi (aka, the "motherf---ing Fox", and my favorite character) and a bunch of other people who you'll meet if you read the book. Anyway, please note that Alaska is a human girl, and Emile Hirsch is not involved. This is not a rewrite of Into the Wild. (No one is laughing!? You guys! Comedic gold!)

Let me say this now: Alaska embodied basically 95% of the traits in people that I hate. I know what happens to her and all, but before thus I was like hey, Alaska, shut up. And SPOILER: just saying, if a friend of mine died I'd probably just be upset. I wouldn't make a mystery out of it...

"'God will punish the wicked. And before He does, we will" (71). Go, Colonel, go!

"'The Colonel takes all this honor and loyalty sh-t pretty seriously, if you haven't noticed'" (73). I wish more people took that sort of stuff more seriously. What an impeccable world we'd live in! A world full of bolly days, ostentatious British accents and funny chuckling--oh, and top hats. Is that really what would happen? I don't know. But get me my top hat just in case. (I'm having a very top hattish week).

Alaska has terrible taste in Vonnegut books. Cat's Cradle!? Well, at least it wasn't Hocus Pocus. And I guess the pictures in Breakfast of Champions would be hard to see in the moonlight. And Galapagos... Actually, I don't think Vonnegut is a very 'read by moonlight' sort of author, but I guess that's why John Green and I aren't married. (Aside from several hundred other reasons.)

"'Can't wear it to the opera,' said the Colonel, almost smiling. 'Can't wear it to a funeral. Can't use it to hang myself. It's a bit useless, as ties go'" (150).

SPOILER! "Someday no one will remember that she ever existed, I wrote in my notebook, and then, or that I did. Because memories fall apart, too. And then you're left with nothing, left not even with a ghost but with its shadow" (196). / "And I will die, and you will die, and we all will die, and even the stars will fade out one after another in time"--Jack Kerouac

"We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so cannot fail" (221). Dear John Green, I love you.

LAST WORDS:

"You seem to be feeling better this morning." Henrik Ibsen: "On the contrary." (Dies)

"Now comes the Mystery"--Henry Ward Beecher

"I've had eighteen straight whiskeys. I do believe that's a record"--Dylan Thomas

"Born in a hotel room, and--God damn it--died in a hotel room"--Eugene O'Neil

"I am not a coward, but I am so strong. So hard to die"--Meriwether Lewis

"It's very beautiful over there"--Thomas Edison

I need a book of last words. Anyway, Green's little bio thing says his favorite quote is Wilde's: "Either this wallpaper goes--or I do." I always thought what he actually said was "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death." Or something like that. According to Wikiquote (which I remembered I could easily look up because, duh, I have Internet!) he said: "My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go." So we're both kind of right. I'm willing to share this. Wiki Answers says it's not his very last words. Several sites agree with Green. Well, there's only way to find out! Get the TARDIS.

PS. In case if you're still wondering: I found Alaska. You don't have to look anymore.

PPS. Into the Wilde?

I guess the good times ain't wrong, just killing me

Hey! I read Bukowski's Factotum and Post Office over the last day and a half. Quick reads. Anyway, I was debating on not posting at all, since I still remember (sort of) my Post Office post. But I'm not as wussy and timid as I would in those first few tremulous months (is tremulous a real word? Am I using it correctly?) so I feel it will be even better than ever before. Also, I realized what an idiot I was before. Last time I spent two paragraphs wondering which came first. In Post Office, he talks about his parents' funeral. And sleeping on park benches and working at a dog biscuit factory. He's also says he's almost 50. In Factotum, he stays at his parents' home for a brief stint, he has a 2 am job at the dog biscuit factory and sleeps on benches and WWII ends halfway through. Which came first? Uhduhhhhhhhhhhhh.



So, I like Bukowski. Even though he's super gross sometimes, mainly when he talks about Chinaski wiping himself and doing a bad job of it. Or just in general. No thanks. Facototum is basically Henry Chinaski wandering around, drunken, gaining and losing jobs, gaining and losing women. Yep.



"'How much money we got?' They looked through their pockets. They had a nickel. 'Well, what are we going to do?' 'I don't know. Let's start walking.' I watched them walk off, out of the park, into the city" (23).



So, like I said, early on Chinaski takes a short stint back at his parents' home. Instead of going out and looking for a job (as he is an ex-college student) he listens to "symphony music" (25) and smokes his father's cigarettes and is voyeur to the sexy housewife across the way. Hmm, sounds like someone named Alex de Large. Just saying...



"'Well, you see, I've been painting. A painter, you know? I've run out of money. Can't sell the stuff.' ... 'Cheer up. Maybe you'll be famous after you're dead'" (42). Wow. How... reassuring. I'm relieved now. Looks like I can always dream...



"'Why do you want to work in a ladies' dress shop?' 'I've always liked ladies in ladies' dresses'" (56). Hehe. Can you imagine if someone tried that today? You'd probably get cops called on you.



"'Have you ever been in love?' 'Love is for real people.' 'You sound real.' 'I dislike real people.' 'You dislike them?' 'I hate them'" (60). Of, Chinaski is being cynical, as he is 97.999% of the time. But this conversation for some reason stands out to me, I can very easily picture it. Chinaski, scowling, giving Gertrude (who asks him if he's ever been in love) a dull, uninterested (but somewhat nasty) look from over his solder, hand on a half empty shot glass with a cigarette tucked in between his fingers, spilling ashes on the bar top.



"'Don't worry, baby,' I'd say, 'the next hard bump we hit will turn the lights on.' ... Jan would bounce up and down, trying to hold on to her bottle of port. I'd grip the wheel and look for a bit of light on the road ahead. Hitting those bumps would always turn the lights on. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but we'd always get the lights on" (96). So yeah. This is what I'm going to pretend is symbolism. The bump being something, well, bad happening. Chinaski losing yet another job, say, but after--something always arises. Though he goes through jobs like a wildfire, there's always something else. So, the light, would be--uh, jobs? Crud. I sound stupid. But the point is, I feel when Jan finally leaves--and I believe the car goes with her--he's done. It's over for him. *



"I kept telling myself all women in the world weren't whores, just mine" (140). Okay, so there's more humor than literary points or what have you. But Bukowski is a pretty humorous guy, if not laugh-out-loud hilarious at the very least tongue-in-cheek. Or chuckle-worthy. Chuckle chuckle.



"Then I gave him a look straight out of 'Casablanca'" (158). Oh hey, reference to an awesome movie. On an unrelated note, my dad was reenacting scenes from Casablanca today, replacing Sam with Rod Serling. As in, Humphrey: "Play it again, Sam (etc)." Rod: "Do you know who the hell I am?" It was pretty hilarious.





*Here comes the end, so spoiler alert!: Chinaski goes to a strip club and watches a really sexy dancer. He has less than a dollar in his pocket, no prospects, drunk, nothing. It ends with "I couldn't get it up" (205), you know, for this sexy dancer he's watching. This is me, again, pretending I can find symbolism: his not being able to, uh, 'get it up', would be his inability to fix his life, you know, get his life out of the gutter. Does that sound ridiculous? Maybe. But, that's how it seems to me, and at this point, he's nothing. He's a ragged hobo, practically. He's not even interested in the girls. He's done. I always feel like he just went into some alleyway and died, and that was the unwritten ending. I mean, it just felt like such an... such an end. You don't even need to describe more, because you know he's going to end up dead in an alleyway within weeks, or more likely, a few days. So... yeah. The fact that he didn't die and turned up in Post Office always weirdly disappoints me. Like, for the most part, I've made my peace with that fact, but it still kind of feels like a cop-out. Like sometimes when you want the main character to live, but you know it would be total BS if he actually did and you'd end up hating the whole book/movie/TV show/radio program. Yup.



There's evidently a movie based off this book. Intrigued. Hitting that up, most likely tomorrow, if Netflix stops hating me. Which is unlikely. It knows I am not Jenna. "I'm sorry, I can't let you do that, Angela." Gbrgrsgrfffghhhh. Crud.

And now comes Post Office! This is funnier than its predecessor, and also ten times stranger. The people Chinaski delivers mail to--they're crazy. The people he works with are mad. Anyway. As you can guess, Chinaski is, in this book, working in a post office. He's, as I said, almost 50 if not 50 by the book's end. This may or may not be his last hurrah, as it has no 'obvious' ending. Actually, I feel like the end if sort of a cop-out as well. But also, I have no clue if this is the end of Chinaski's 'series'. As it was written in '71, I kind of doubt it. But. All that is for another time!

Ah, early on Chinaski happens to wander into a church that has showers and such. (Do all Roman-Catholic churches have showers? Is that why I'd be surprised by that?) Chinaski, always an alchie, drinks the wine, you know, the wine for communion. Then he debates on taking a shower, but eventually decides not to as he imagines what the headlines would look like if someone were to find him: "MAILMAN CAUGHT DRINKING THE BLOOD OF GOD AND TAKING A SHOWER, NAKED, IN ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH" (22). HAHAHA. Can you imagine? Though I'm not sure why the 'naked' moniker is necessary--don't most people shower naked? No? Am I doing it wrong!? Crud.

One incredibly sad bit involves an elderly mailman named GG. He had worked so long on one particular route that the kids loved him, he brought candy for them, the parents knew he was a nice old man. A new woman moves to the neighborhood, is unaware of this behavior, and accuses GG of child molestation. Poor guy, that would happen. All of the scenes with him are pretty depressing, as he's so old that he's literally just slowing down. What's even worse, is no one seems to care but, of all people, Chinaski.

"'All right now, you've got a good job. Keep your nose clean and you've got the security the rest of your life.' Security? You could get security in jail. Three squares and no rent to pay, no utilities, no income tax, no child support. No license plate fees. No traffic tickets. No drunk driving raps. No losses at the race track. Free medical attention... Free burial" (66). Well... he has a point...

Ah, yes. You remember when Palin made her comment about Russia? Apparently she's a Bukowski fan: A postal office head is trying to get the mailmen revved up to work. As he claims, "'EACH EXTRA YOU STICK BEYOND DUTY HELPS DEFEAT THE RUSSIANS!'" (76). (Keep in mind, this was written and set during the Cold War.) But, before he tells them that, he shows the men a map of the world--paying special attention to Russia and Alaska's proximity. As he says, "'That's Alaska!" And there they are! Looks almost as if they could jump across, doesn't it?'" (76). Hehe.

My absolute favorite scene is when Chinaski decides to celebrate his job by making escargot for his then-wife, Joyce. She gets sick eating them because she is disgusted by them--moreover, by their "'tiny little a--holes" (87). It's just so funny. And, of course, Chinaski's comeback to that is hilarious as well--the best part is most likely when he shouts "'ASSHOLES COVER THE EARTH!'" (87), though his whole spiel is hilarious. I can't even do the scene justice. If nothing else, at least read this scene whilst in your local bookstore. I literally laugh so hard I cry.

The scene that makes me most angry is close by as well. Joyce mistakenly buys a mentally retarded dog. Now, the dog is a handful, but any dog would be. It still loves her, as she should it. What makes me so mad is that she's in her stilettos, and the puppy wanders up to her a licks her ankle. She kicks it in the stomach with the pointy end of her shoes (the front). I can honestly say few things I have read disgusted or angered me more than that passage. Every time I read it I just want to jump in the book and slap her. What a disgusting worm of a human.

"'What's the sin in being poor?'" (111).

Chinaski, making the move on yet another woman, asks about her husband. She's divorced, and she says he was 'no good', as all he ever did was drink and bet on horses. It's very clear she doesn't know Chinaski that well....

"Women were meant to suffer; no wonder they asked for constant declarations of love" (155).

Anyway, as for the end--have you ever read The BFG by Roald Dahl? And at the end, you remember, it's revealed that the BFG himself 'wrote' the book. That's basically what is implied at the end of this book. I mean, that Chinaski 'wrote' the book, not the BFG. What a cheap ending. But maybe I'm just angry that things were turning out okay for Chinaski. I am pretty terrible. **

I watched the entire Twilight Zone series over the past three weeks. It is amazing. If you have never seen The Twilight Zone, go. Now. Now. I mean, it's not like I ever had any doubts about its awesomeness. I've just experienced it all now. Of course, there are lemon episodes--the last episode made me not mourn The Twilight Zone's end--that one where they sell the car that tells the truth to Stalin (or another powerful man of the USSR at the time) because he just happens to be in the sticks of the US--'Black Leather Jackets' was a pretty dumb episode--the one that I swear 'Jumanji' ripped off of--et cetera. But truly, the good outweighs the bad and Rod Serling you're a genius, bro.



**I told Robby D I preferred The Road to All the Pretty Horses and he asked me if I like infants roasted on spits. Uh, yeah, who doesn't? You know how I roll, G. Uhm, I mean, D.

If you liked it then you should have put a bit on it

So, I finished All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. This kid, John Grady Cole, decides to go to Mexico and he goes with these two other guys and he has sex with a teenage Mexican girl and he gets hurt a lot (it seems like his boots are always full of blood. To the point of my wondering if McCarthy knows any other ways to describe the severity of wounds) and it's the first in a trilogy which I will not complete.

Man, that made me sound totally cynical, huh? I just wasn't buying it. One, there's not a huge amount about horses, but about halfway through there's pages and pages and pages about horses and breaking them and that was enough to make me hate the last half of the book. Look. Horses are boring. King of the Wind is boring. Black Beauty is boring. That Dreamworks movie about that horse that's the same color as my dog... boring. Even in small amounts, they are boring. Obviously my full disdain for horses--at the very least media about horses--was misunderstood or underestimated by Robby D. THEY ARE BORING. I mean, they're nice to pet or whatever, but boring. It's not like they pull sleighs full of medicine across Alaska to sick kids dying of typhoid fever. Anyway. Before I hated the book, I had trouble being drawn in. The whole genre, gunfighters in the West or what have you just don't really interest me. Maybe the occasional Tom Mix movie, but even then. It just kind of leaves me cold. I'm indifferent.

"'Strangest thing I ever ate,' said Blevins. 'I guess I'd have to say that would be an oyster'" (63). This made me laugh. An oyster! An oyster?? And then I remembered they were in the middle of Texas. Strangest thing I've ever eaten? Escargot. Way better than an oyster, though. Mmmm.

"'Somebody can wake up and sneeze somewhere in Arkansas or some damn place and before you're done there's wars and ruination and all hell" (92). Oh, you mean like how a single butterfly flapping its wings here can cause a tornado or whatever in Brazil? I like the single butterfly flapping thing much better. At least there's some correlation, you know, the wind no matter how slight it be to a great wind. I can't correlate a sneeze with war and ruination. To me, it looks like what's being said is just STUFF HAPPENS RANDOMLY. The idea of cause and effect is lost in McCarthy's take on the saying.

"'You can't do nothin with a dead person. Only Jesus could do that" (297). The best quote from the entire book.


Yup. So, I'll be thinking twice before I read another McCarthy book. I probably have not done the book justice--but like I said, it's just not my thing. I'm not so into this genre.


What am I into? Recently, it's been White Collar. It's a show on HBO, so I can't watch it normally at home, but when I babysit and the kids are asleep I can watch it. To be honest, I first started watching because of Matthew Bomer , but I have quickly gotten into the plot and flow of the story. He's an ex-white collar criminal, and he's been hired by the feds to catch others of his breed. He's got a sweet tongue, a trustable face, great acting, and my heart--err, lots of talent. It's an interesting show. It's more my speed than wandering about Mexico as a somewhat modern-day cowboy. Soooo yepppp.