JANE AUSTEN HATES MEN.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! I'm British today! Know why? Because I finished Emma by Jane Austen!

It was a good book. Jane Austen has done no wrong by me. At first Emma (the main character, not the book itself) really annoyed me. Then I realized that she's female, and guys, all women act like that. It's a fact. So, in that case, what I hated in her was something I saw in myself that I hated? Isn't that what they say about disliking something about someone? Maybe? But yeah, Emma's flip-flopperie is a result of the fact that she's female, not because Jane Austen is a bad author. Which she's not.. Sooo.....



So, I'm still in love with Pride and Prejudice more. Knightley's nice, but Mr Darcy takes the cake. (Teacake? Shortbread? Sweetmeats? Mr Darcy takes the sweetmeats? Hahaha. Disgusting.) Mr Darcy aside, it's still the truth too. But! Emma is a good book, nonetheless. Mr Darcy would only have, sadly enough, impeded the story's progression.

Anywayyys. this felt much lighter and more comedic in comparison. Which maybe it wasn't supposed to be, but between getting agitated at Emma 24/7, I was constantly cracking me up, and it's probably that which kept me from eating the book. That's right: becoming so annoyed at the book I would devour it. Well, the fact that I realized every female is exactly like Emma helped too. Guys, remember what I said 39 or some-odd posts ago (this is number 40! can you believe it?) to read Pride and Prejudice if you really wanted to hook that girl? Read this if you want to try and understand them. (Of course, it's impossible to, but this book makes it much clearer than anything else ever could. Really.)

"'Emma shall be an angel, and I will keep my spleen to myself till Christmas brings John and Isabella.'" No... No, that's okay. You... You keep your spleen. Really, I'm good. (Psyche! She doesn't mean literally, dope! She means her complaint. Jeez, people's spleens just didn't pop out at a predetermined date back then... or did they? Where are my Darwin books?)

I kind of thought it was funny how crazy Emma and Harriet go over the poetry Harriet receives from Robert Martin. Why? In Pride and Prejudice Elizabeth throws poetry-writing under the bus--basically, she says it kills love, and nothing kills it quite so efficiently and quickly. Excuse me, throws it under the hansom. Sorry.

"'Oh, no! I hope I shall not be too ridiculous about it.'" And how! I deeply hope as well.


This is also the first book I've ever seen with the word 'haberdasher' in print. YES. (Henry T Ford: Son of Haberdashers?) Man. Man. Why isn't haberdashery a real line of work anymore! If you think I'd want to be a teacher if a job like that was available, well. ("Ford's was the principal woollen-draper, linen-draper, and haberdasher's shop united.")

"'...And I recommend a little gruel to you before you go. You and I will have a nice basin of gruel together.'" Gruel! Yes! Best. Day. EVER.

"He argued like a young man very much bent on dancing..." Kevin Bacon?

"'I must buy something at Ford's. It will be taking out my freedom. I dare say they sell gloves.'" No, you mustn't dare to say such a thing! It is far too controversial! Bring not your ideas about gloves up! Think of the children! THE CHILDREN!

Oh, Emma gets burned so bad, and I cracked up. I think that's what made me love the book. Jane Austen is awesome at writing burned scenes. "'Surrey is the garden of England.' 'Yes, but we must not rest our claims on that distinction. Many counties, I believe, are called the garden of England, as well as Surrey.' 'No, I fancy not,' replied Mrs Elton with a most satisfied smile. 'I never heard any county but Surrey called so.' Emma was silenced." Boom! Roasted! Hahaha.

"'Why, really, dear Emma, I say that he is so very much occupied by the idea of not being in love with her that I should not wonder if it were to end in his being so at last.'" Hate is basically the same thing as love when it goes on long enough. When you dislike someone long enough, you can't help but noticing them, hearing them/their name, and becoming curious about them. I can dig it. The ending of this quote is actually "'Do not beat me.'" Emma, you bully you!

Mr Knightley. Grr. Welcome to the spoilers. It's so annoying! As soon as Emma thinks Harriet wants to marry him, she's immediately like "Mr Knightley must marry no one but herself!" Which makes me doubt that, although Mr Knightley is a cool guy (though he's no Mr Darcy, of course) and all, she really loves him and their marriage will be happy. Emma (as in my fellow bloggeur, not the nineteenth-century matchmaker) thinks it was the fear of Harriet being in love with Mr Knightley is what made Emma the matchmaker realize her love. Ugh, but it just doesn't seem real! And with Frank Churchill... grrr... Though Mr Knightley certainly seems sweet enough. Guys, you could follow his examples too. Jane Austen, stop making me be in love with your characters. Seriously, not fair.

Oh, but I'm glad things worked out for Robert Martin in the end! High five, Robby M! Hehe. Robby M, the haberdasher.

"'Do you dare to suppose me so great a blockhead as not to know what a man is talking of?'" There were many romantic things Mr Knightley said, but I'm pretty sure I just died laughing.

Ohhh hey. So good times. I need to find some more of Jane Austen's books! Uh, yeah. I'm rereading Pride and Prejudice. So. Mr Darcy/Mr Knightley bar fight? Oh dang, Colin Firth can probably rip open a can like you wouldn't believe. Good luck, Mr Knightley.