I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag

Well, although William S Burroughs's book The Yage Letters looks long and intimidating, it's only about 80 or so pages. It's pretty enjoyable, until a little more than halfway through when Burroughs decides (predictably) that it would be a good idea to write while drugged (I assume it's while on yage) and writes something weird and gross about FDR. At which point I just kind of clasped my hands over my eyes and sighed: "Oh, William." After that point, I just kind of zoned in and out, to be honest. Hey, you want me to be fully immersed in your book, try not to have written whilst tripping. Yeah. Work on that, Will.

Anyway, the book is mainly Burroughs in South America searching for the fabled drug yage. (Which comes from the yage vine and has affects reportedly similar to marijuana.) The story is told through letters written to his buddy Allen Ginsberg. So, even though it's under 'fiction', it's technically true. Except for the part about FDR and his administration. Uh... I think.

I had a note about all the awful things Burroughs did say about FDR, but honestly, I don't feel comfortable copying them down. However, if you're really that interested, pick up a copy of The Yage Letters Redux. The cover is creamy white/yellow with a map on it and a piece of written on notebook paper that looks like a face. The worst of it is on page 44 of this edition, but it starts on page 41.

Oh, but Burroughs does name-drop HG Wells later on. "Did you ever read HG Wells' The Country of the Blind? About a man stuck in a country where all the other inhabitants had been blind so many generations they had lost the concept of sight. He flips. 'But don't you understand? I can see'" (46). I actually have read it; I read it over the summer. Not that I remember very much about it... I do remember thinking it was one of his few short stories I was really impressed with. The stuff of his that's not famous and well-known today really is kind of 'eh'.

"Yage is space time travel. The room seems to shake and vibrate with motion. The blood and substance of many races, Negro, Polynesian, Mountain Mongol, Desert Nomad, Polyglot Near East, Indian--new races as yet unconceived and unborn, combinations not yet realized passes through your body. Migrations, incredible journeys through deserts and jungles and mountains... across the Pacific in an outrigger canoe to Easter Island. The Composite City where all human potentials are spread out in a vast silent market" (50).

"They succumb to a creeping apathy and die of inertia" (85). Conclusion: when Burroughs isn't high as a kite, he's a wonder at phrasing and eloquence. Too bad that more often than not, he's high as a kite. If you really want to read him, try Junky. Do NOT for the love of God try Naked Lunch. You just want to kill yourself afterwards. I'm not even being over dramatic. I honestly wanted to die.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HG WELLS!

Regardless of when this actually gets posted or the date it says, I'm writing this on September 21st. So, I guess it's kind of funny I started The Autocracy of Mr Parham today, huh? I like it so far, actually. More than Invisible Man and his short stories I've read, definitely. There are some pretty funny names of a Dickens manner in here too, Emma. Oh, and before I forget: Google made a cool little tribute to him on their logo. Of course, by the time I post this it will be long gone, but I'm sure there's some facet of Google dedicated to archiving these. (What a cool job drawing those tribute headers would be, huh?) Either way, even though it only kind of sort of spells Google, I'd say it's a good rendition of War of the Worlds. Would HG Wells be pleased? Well, I don't know, he looked like a pretty stuffy old guy. (He looks suspiciously similar to my seventh-grade math teacher... Did HG Wells enjoy making young girls cry?) He probably wouldn't approve of the Internet either, same reasons as Michael Crichton's. Oh, I bet they'd be BFFs! Aw, now I'm sad... Fun Fact!: Did you know War of the Worlds inspired Independence Day, one of my least favorite movies of all time? Well, so the story goes.

Oh, and Michael Crichton is releasing a new book? But he's dead? Well, okay guys. And Jonathan Safran Foer's new book is set to come out 11/2/09! Just in time for my birthday! It's called... Easting Animals. Huh. And apparently his wife writes books, too. (Wait--he's married!? Man!) I wonder if she's actually well-known, or it's like how Stephen King's wife writes books... (I have seen a book of hers once. One book, well, more than once, but always at the same library, so...) Maybe she's a good author, but it's going to take more than one book always there to convince me. And just compared to her husband in general... Aw, now I feel like a jerk. Sorry Tabitha!
Stephen King wrote his 9,000th book ever. After Cell, I'm a little tentative.

Anyway, on with the show! (The Iliad by Homer)
Achilles calls someone a "dog-face".
"...If I don't get my hands on you, strip you of your clothes--the cloak and tunic that cover your genitals..." Thank you for inserting an explanation of what clothes are and what they do in between threatening to beat a man down and send him in exile to a ship. Actually, I'm glad. Totally forgot what clothes do. And what they are. Homer, you're a life saver.

Oh, I thought one was funny because of how stupid a character is: he goes into battle wearing golden armor, aka wearing one of the softest metals ever. Pounded flat or at least somewhat thinly, you can literally bite into it and bend it, or leave teeth marks. No lie. Idiot Amphimachus.

"'Paris, you parody, with your wonderful looks, you sex-crazed seducer, you should never have been born, or married. How I wish that were the case!'" Man, talk about a burn--he just keeps on throwing those insults at Paris, who, quite honestly, deserves it. He started this war, because he was being quite the "sex-crazed seducer". (There's no way in hell that's the original Greek...) Anyways, Paris got served like Thanksgiving dinner.

Aw, it seems I lost the page, but there's a scene where Zeus tells Aphrodite that women aren't good in war and the only thing they are suitable to command is the bed. I don't know about you guys, but I laughed till Sprite came out of my nose. Oh wait, I'm supposed to look mature and educated, aren't I? Son of a--

"'...the god Hades, famed for his horses.'" Or, you know, that whole 'god of the dead' thing. Oh, oh, and the whole 'being James K Woods' thing!

"Aphrodite daughter of Zeus replied..." SHE'S NOT ZEUS'S DAUGHTER. She was born of... Uh. I don't feel comfortable regaling this one for you. Just look it up yourself... God, the Greeks were weird... HELEN'S FATHER WAS A SWAN. I don't think the Greeks quite had the model society we picture. Ever.

"'Achilles, I shall be extremely angry if do as you suggest.'" You totally put the fear into him, I bet. 'Oh no, I'm a hardened warrior, but this guy who talks like my mother is totally putting the fear into me right now. He's gonna be pissed. He might even put me in time-out. Doot doot doot on my BlackBerry. I'm so tweeting about this.' (Wha... where did that go?)

"'The loser will receive this two-handled cup.'" I can just see them now: "Two handles!? One is functional, but two!? By Zeus, someone must have knocked the sculptor's hat off!"

I hope you enjoyed this, Emma! When I finish my essay for Marky Mark I'll do Everything is Illuminated. AKA, never. Sorry.

What an amazing discovery!

You may have noticed that the title is not song lyrics! (At least, not that I'm aware...) For a very important announcement no-one else would care about so I have no-one else to inform!
June 13th I believe it was... the local library was collecting used books to sell and raise money for whatever. I mean, June 13th was the actual day of the sale, though. And there, there were a few books with bindings from about the late twenties-late 40's. (Yes, I can tell the differences. They really aren't that hard to recognize.) And because I am in love with old books (mostly for their bindings, because I'm a superficial whore) I was looking them over carefully, hoping I'd find something I'd like, or was on Marky Mark's list or some such so I could buy one of these gorgeous old gems. Luckily, there was an HG Wells novel--The Autocracy of Mr. Parham. Now, I hadn't read the book, and I still have yet to (about a hundred fifty pages under being halfway through War and Peace) but I like HG Wells, so how could bad could it be? (That's what I said about The Shape of Things to Come, too...) Either way, I got a really sweet book.

No, wait! That's not the end of it! Come back! I'm not just some big loser dork who talks about book bindings! (Well... that's debatable...) So I happened to be on Wikipedia and I was like hey... I'll look up the date for that HG Wells book I bought. Originally published in 1930. Now, I'm thinking this is too good to be true. Why? My copy was printed in 1930. I have a first edition HG Wells book--and I bought it for two dollars at a tag sale! OH HELL YEAH THAT'S SWEET.

I'm gonna end up like those old people on those 'Antique Roadshow' shows. Shit.