JANE AUSTEN HATES MEN.

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! I'm British today! Know why? Because I finished Emma by Jane Austen!

It was a good book. Jane Austen has done no wrong by me. At first Emma (the main character, not the book itself) really annoyed me. Then I realized that she's female, and guys, all women act like that. It's a fact. So, in that case, what I hated in her was something I saw in myself that I hated? Isn't that what they say about disliking something about someone? Maybe? But yeah, Emma's flip-flopperie is a result of the fact that she's female, not because Jane Austen is a bad author. Which she's not.. Sooo.....



So, I'm still in love with Pride and Prejudice more. Knightley's nice, but Mr Darcy takes the cake. (Teacake? Shortbread? Sweetmeats? Mr Darcy takes the sweetmeats? Hahaha. Disgusting.) Mr Darcy aside, it's still the truth too. But! Emma is a good book, nonetheless. Mr Darcy would only have, sadly enough, impeded the story's progression.

Anywayyys. this felt much lighter and more comedic in comparison. Which maybe it wasn't supposed to be, but between getting agitated at Emma 24/7, I was constantly cracking me up, and it's probably that which kept me from eating the book. That's right: becoming so annoyed at the book I would devour it. Well, the fact that I realized every female is exactly like Emma helped too. Guys, remember what I said 39 or some-odd posts ago (this is number 40! can you believe it?) to read Pride and Prejudice if you really wanted to hook that girl? Read this if you want to try and understand them. (Of course, it's impossible to, but this book makes it much clearer than anything else ever could. Really.)

"'Emma shall be an angel, and I will keep my spleen to myself till Christmas brings John and Isabella.'" No... No, that's okay. You... You keep your spleen. Really, I'm good. (Psyche! She doesn't mean literally, dope! She means her complaint. Jeez, people's spleens just didn't pop out at a predetermined date back then... or did they? Where are my Darwin books?)

I kind of thought it was funny how crazy Emma and Harriet go over the poetry Harriet receives from Robert Martin. Why? In Pride and Prejudice Elizabeth throws poetry-writing under the bus--basically, she says it kills love, and nothing kills it quite so efficiently and quickly. Excuse me, throws it under the hansom. Sorry.

"'Oh, no! I hope I shall not be too ridiculous about it.'" And how! I deeply hope as well.


This is also the first book I've ever seen with the word 'haberdasher' in print. YES. (Henry T Ford: Son of Haberdashers?) Man. Man. Why isn't haberdashery a real line of work anymore! If you think I'd want to be a teacher if a job like that was available, well. ("Ford's was the principal woollen-draper, linen-draper, and haberdasher's shop united.")

"'...And I recommend a little gruel to you before you go. You and I will have a nice basin of gruel together.'" Gruel! Yes! Best. Day. EVER.

"He argued like a young man very much bent on dancing..." Kevin Bacon?

"'I must buy something at Ford's. It will be taking out my freedom. I dare say they sell gloves.'" No, you mustn't dare to say such a thing! It is far too controversial! Bring not your ideas about gloves up! Think of the children! THE CHILDREN!

Oh, Emma gets burned so bad, and I cracked up. I think that's what made me love the book. Jane Austen is awesome at writing burned scenes. "'Surrey is the garden of England.' 'Yes, but we must not rest our claims on that distinction. Many counties, I believe, are called the garden of England, as well as Surrey.' 'No, I fancy not,' replied Mrs Elton with a most satisfied smile. 'I never heard any county but Surrey called so.' Emma was silenced." Boom! Roasted! Hahaha.

"'Why, really, dear Emma, I say that he is so very much occupied by the idea of not being in love with her that I should not wonder if it were to end in his being so at last.'" Hate is basically the same thing as love when it goes on long enough. When you dislike someone long enough, you can't help but noticing them, hearing them/their name, and becoming curious about them. I can dig it. The ending of this quote is actually "'Do not beat me.'" Emma, you bully you!

Mr Knightley. Grr. Welcome to the spoilers. It's so annoying! As soon as Emma thinks Harriet wants to marry him, she's immediately like "Mr Knightley must marry no one but herself!" Which makes me doubt that, although Mr Knightley is a cool guy (though he's no Mr Darcy, of course) and all, she really loves him and their marriage will be happy. Emma (as in my fellow bloggeur, not the nineteenth-century matchmaker) thinks it was the fear of Harriet being in love with Mr Knightley is what made Emma the matchmaker realize her love. Ugh, but it just doesn't seem real! And with Frank Churchill... grrr... Though Mr Knightley certainly seems sweet enough. Guys, you could follow his examples too. Jane Austen, stop making me be in love with your characters. Seriously, not fair.

Oh, but I'm glad things worked out for Robert Martin in the end! High five, Robby M! Hehe. Robby M, the haberdasher.

"'Do you dare to suppose me so great a blockhead as not to know what a man is talking of?'" There were many romantic things Mr Knightley said, but I'm pretty sure I just died laughing.

Ohhh hey. So good times. I need to find some more of Jane Austen's books! Uh, yeah. I'm rereading Pride and Prejudice. So. Mr Darcy/Mr Knightley bar fight? Oh dang, Colin Firth can probably rip open a can like you wouldn't believe. Good luck, Mr Knightley.

Look at the Earth: it's just so green. Perhaps it's envious of all the galaxies it's seen?

I also finished Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, which is cool. I am becoming quite fond of her, indeed. Even though I have gotten into the habit of calling people I intensly dislike Margaret Atwood. Why, you ask?

"You know what? I used to think it was funny to call big tough a-holes, 'Sparkles'. You know, when someone is being a thug, like a security guard or just a big jerk. Sparkles. I think it would be even funnier to start calling them, 'Margaret Atwood'. Calm down there, Margaret Atwood. You'll get shaken baby syndrome"--It doesn't tell me which member of A Softer World wrote this, but I love them for it. In any case, I love that webcomic, and I will shamelessly plug it now: http://www.asofterworld.com/. I'd buy the book, the Truth and Beauty Bombs (or; the one with the cat on the front) but PayPal is necessary and that's not cool. But Amazon takes a cut of the jib most likely so I guess it makes sense, but...

(They were the ones that made that Stockholm Syndrome comic I sent you, Emma)

So, the book felt... weird. A dreamy book. Everything was happening in such an underwhelming way. (Maybe I'm just jaded?) Still, nonetheless, it was an interesting picture of a future that, if we can manage to progress to, is extremely probable. Mistakes and all. It was eerily and easily pictureable.

We are introduced to a man named Snowman in a post-apocolyptic world....

One; what were the pigoons a combination of? I got the pig part, and other combined animals are easy to figure out--rakunks (raccoons and skunks), wolvogs (wolves and dogs), but for the life of me I can't figure out...

Oh man, like I guess you've inferred, genetic splicings were common place. (What idiot would really put a human cortex in a pigoon's brain!?) One of the grosser ones were the ChickieNobs--basically bulbs of chicken meat fed, but cannot excrete or move or exist or do anything that's not digesting food. Well, I personally think it's absolutely disgusting. I'm no vegetarian, but I'll be off chicken for a while. What worried me even more is that later in the book animal rights' activists tried to 'liberate' them. Uh. Okay, it's inhumane, but they can't walk. They can't exist. you're just killing them qui... okay, I'm done thinking about them. I'm super-duper grossed out thinking about them. Blegh.

Oh, the reason why I didn't read the book earlier when Robby D actually recommended it to me is because the copy in the library had two naked female torsos on it. Kind of awkward to read around the house, no? It's all because of this one line regarding when Snowman hit puberty: basically, it says he had sexual dreams about naked female torsos without heads. Never touched on again. But I just thought I should mention it. Yay, now you're a better person for knowing that?

Oh, a really cool videogame Snowman and Crake played as children was Blood and Roses--I didn't really understand the rules, but basicaly it has a list of all humanity's greatest acheivments, for example, Crime and Punishment or disasters like the Trail of Tears or the Holocaust, or leaders like Napoleon, and so on. Anything of importance that has affected/been done by mankind. And items are traded and (I think) whoever wins is the person who has more 'rose' items, like the Mona Lisa or something beneficial. Blood items would be the holocaust, probably the French revolution or something, and yeah. I probably wouldn't be smart enough to play a great game, but I could sit there and look cute, so...

"'So I learned about life,' said Oryx. 'Learned what?' said Jimmy... 'That everything has a price.' 'Not everything. That can't be true. You can't buy time. You can't buy...' He wanted to say love, but hesitated. It was too soppy. 'You can't buy it, but it has a price,' said Oryx. 'Everything has a price.'" Ah, Oryx, the cynic. Of course, it's understandable, I mean she was (SPOILER!) sold as a child into child prostitution, not that she really understood what it was till much later. And even then, she looked at the positives of it: she was being whored out, but she was well-dressed, well-fed, and well-taken care of, which was nothing she could have ever hoped for in her village. So... Yeah? But I have a feeling, although she tried to remain detached to it, she was crumbling deep down. Perhaps that's why she was trying to be so flippant? (Did I use that word correctly?) Maybe she was hoping Snowman would try to dig deeper, to hold her, but she was too scared to break down in front of him, so she... wouldn't.... let him...? Maybe she burried herself in sex the way he did--hence, they were perfect counterparts and that's why they were so attracted to each other? Uhm. Maybe?

"For every pair of happy lovers there was a dejected onlooker, the one excluded. Love was its own transparent bubble-dome: you could see the two inside it, but you couldn't get in there yourself." THIRD WHEEL ADDS STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY. That is to say; I make couples look better by comparison. Oh wait, now I'm depressed. D'awwww.

"'Crake!' he whimpers. 'Why am I on this earth? How come I'm alone? Where's my Bride of Frankenstein?'" / "Ghoulie or ghosty or long-legged beastie, I just want my hand held"--Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

An interesting scene was Crake and Snowman arguing about civilization's destruction: if destroyed, could it ever be rebuilt? Crake argues no, because all the metals have been mined and used up, so there's no chance of repeating the bronze age or iron age. And machines will be gone, instructions to recreate their futuristic society would be impossible to follow, lacking the tools and all. But I think Crake was being too narrow-minded, personally. People might not be as advanced (and by not, I mean there's no way in hell they could be) but civilization is still being rebuilt. It's just not quite up to snuff with what Crake would consider 'civilization'. I mean, people living in pueblos as simply as Native Americans or early tribes would still be civilisation! So... So yeah, Crake. Just burned you like Thanksgiving dinner. Go find yourself a turkey baster, you're going to need it! Dayummm. I am good. Slap me some skin, Mr Darcy!

Crake's motives: He's a jerk. The end.

Oh, and Margaret Atwood burns animal rights' activists, like I mentioned earlier with the ChickieNobs. They released the super-intelligent and violent pigoons and the vicious but cute- and friendly-looking wolvogs in an attempt to 'liberate' them. Thank you PETA for screwing us all over. No, it's cool, I love getting gored by evil pigs. It's actually my favorite pastime. Actually, wasn't this how the virus spread in 28 Days Later? Animal rights' activists let out the diseased ultra-violent chimps, or am I thinking of another movie? Either way, THANKS GUYS. I'm relocating you to Jurassic Park. Oh wait, the velociraptors already 'liberated' themselves. Toodles!


So there's that. In other news, I began to write my ultra-terrible college essay and I started reading Emma by Jane Austen. Yayyy.

Oscar Wilde > James Joyce. In case you were confused, Marky Mark.


Oh, and Emma, I know you'll appreciate it, so I absolutely have to post this: So, you know that joke Jenna and I have about how Robby D wears red all the time so he can blend into the lockers? So he was wearing white today, and he wasn't in his room and Jenna was wondering where he could be. The projector screen was down, so I pointed to it and said, "He's there. But the only way you'll see him is if you turn the projector on." So, Jenna, pretending to be Robby D: "'Oh no! But you haven't caught me yet! Today will be known as the day you almost caught Captain Robby D!' And then he'll jump out the window and swing, on a rope, to his car. And drive away.'" I'm pretty sure I died laughing and I'll never be able to take him seriously again. It would just randomly pop in my head all through painting and I would start cracking up. Everyone probably thought I was crazy, but I bet they did already, hence why no one sits with me. Aww. But yeah, I hope that makes you disrupt the library again! See you in November!

PS. Spellcheck apparently decided to never work for me again. Man.

I don't know what's right and what's real, anymore

I finally finished Marky Mark's sacred book (as named by Ms Lacroix), We, which I can finally tell you is by Yevgeny Zamyatin. That's why I couldn't remember the author's name off the top of my head, guys! Jeez.

Why is it the sacred book? Did I talk about this already? Because Marky Mark handed it to me and lectured me on it immediately: "Now, I've read it about nine times and you can see it looks new" (it looks like he bought it two days ago--turns out his copy is nine years old, as I subsequently found out) "no bent pages, no creases anywhere, you can't even tell it's ever been read." At this point I'm getting nervous. So I offer to just take a look at the author's name so I can search for it myself, you know, you don't have to lend it to me if you don't want to, whatever... "Oh no, that's fine. I don't usually do this, but I trust you." Oh. There's the cincher. I think I had a minor heart palpitation. For two days I had it set on my shelf and I just stared at it, afraid to touch it. I had a nightmare last night I left a crease on the binding. No lie. I even get worried about my fingerprints on the shiny, glossy cover... I'm fully convinced Marky Mark will find something wrong with it and just punch me in the face.



In any case, I managed to finish the book (though my fear distracted me from it in many ways) and it was pretty good. Basically, it's the predecessor to 1984, Anthem, Brave New World, and every other book in that genre. The main difference is they're working on sending rockets to space in this one and everything is synchronized down to cutting and chewing food. Kind of like A Wrinkle in Time when Meg and Charles Wallace discover that planet where all the kids are playing in the streets and they're all bouncing rubber balls in the same exact rhythm and rate and all. Good book, by the way. But I digress:



Okay, first, the apartments our hero, D-503, lives in are all glass. Just throwing that out there. Not to sound crude, but... getting changed!? Bathrooms!? Nope, done with this society already. Though I guess it would make it easier to decide on what to wear in the morning... hmm....



"After man's tail dropped off, it must have been quite difficult for him at first to learn to drive off flies without its aid. In the beginning he undoubtedly missed his tail. But now--can you imagine yourself with a tail? Or can you imagine yourself in the street naked, without a coat?" Every era before us looks ridiculous and we usually mock the less-advanced for their ways... In history class, this is easy to spot in the form of "those people were stupid, why didn't they just do X?" or "Hahaha, those sixteen-hundreders, look at them, with their butter churns." And I'm over here like "(sigh) To have lived in the Victorian era..." Oh, maybe a better example would be the fifties. Or the eighties. Well, maybe not so much with the eighties becoming popular again, but the fifties are a prime example. Sort of. I AM TRYING.



"To kill one individual, that is, to diminish the total sum of human lives for fifty years, was criminal. But to diminish the sum of human lives by fifty million years was not considered criminal. Isn't that absurd?" Gunter Grass said something weirdly like this in Crabwalk and I can't remember it! Grrrr.



Oh, here's one thing I liked: Unlike Equality in Anthem, he didn't suddenly accept the idea of soul and personality. He understood that the whole societal body could split, but he still didn't understand personality, if that makes sense. Equality was like "Oh, I'm my own person! I understand it in sixty seconds and Gaea understands it even quicker because Ayn Rand is currently failing." (The book isn't that great if you think about the substance over the main idea...) I mean, I don't get how you could suddenly accept such a life-changing thought so quickly and without questioning, even if it feels 'right'. It's still going against everything you knew in your previous twenty years. D-503 struggles with the ideas of soul for quite a good chunk of time and I never really get the feeling he fully accepts it. Instead of being like oh, I've reversed everything I knew in about two days and accept this new truth. Which just seems ridiculous to me. Sure, revelations like that are possible, but they've always seem to me like it hits you, and then you kind of need to become acclimated. Which I guess he did, because he sat down a while and thought about it. But Gaea was just like "Oh, okay. Cool." GO HOME GAEA.

"'What's the trouble? A soul? A soul, you say? What the devil! We'll soon return to cholera if you go on that way.'" Hm, this gets me thinking of a certain episode of the Twilight Zone, number Twelve... (She looks just like you!)

"'We' is from God, and 'I' from the Devil." Oh hey Anthem hey! Want to burn some villagers? Oh cool, let's hit that up. Ooh, but can we rip their tongues out first? Okay! Best. Day. Ever.

"'Who can tell? A human being is like a novel: until the last page you don't know how it will end. Or it wouldn't be worth reading...'" Fun fact!: I almost just typed 'eating'. YOUR WIFE LOOKS LIKE A CHRISTMAS DINNER. Hahahaha, don't ask. Anyways, what my point was going to be: "Call no man happy till he is dead", which was either said by Solon or Herodotus, but Google can't decide, so... Well, it kind of reminded me. Sort of similar. Compare and contrast in 1-2 paragraphs riiiiiiiight.... Now!

"I did not want salvation." / "'But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.'" (Jonathan, in Brave New World by Aldous Huxley) Or, from Invisible Monsters: "I needed the opposite of a miracle." Which I'm totally paraphrasing, but hey. Hey. I can't even say I'm too lazy to go upstairs: This is all Meg's, here. And I'm not jogging to her house. I will get murdered, raped, or die of exhaustion. I DIDN'T MAKE THIS SENTENCE PARALLEL.

Oh man, the end! The end was great. Not great like oh, I liked the ending it was a good ending, but I liked the ending even though it was not so great for our hero. You remember that Twilight Zone reference? 'Number Twelve Looks Just Like You' has almost the same ending. It's good times, I do like that episode. (Soma/Instant Happy? Hook me up.) Marky Mark said the ending was sad, and it is, but I was too intensely elated by the similar endings to be sad about it until now. Man, I love The Twilight Zone. Good show. Contrary to popular belief, it is irony that is the breakfast of champions, not martinis. Well, at least not until I become a hopeless alcoholic...

What else? Well, I think I convinced my CI teacher to read Junky by William S Burroughs. Which makes my forearm hurt because of how gross that book is. GAH NEEDLES. Dammit, Burroughs!

And I ordered an Oscar Wilde action figure off Amazon. It had to be done. Well, maybe not 'had to be' but come on. It's what the cool kids are into nowadays. Don't tell me you or your friends don't own the Marie Antoinette action figure!

And it's positive-negative, positive-negative

NOTE: So, the computer I started this on contracted a virus while writing, so if I start advertising porn or diet pills whatever, that's the virus, there. As much as I love advertising both those things and all... You know. It's just how I roll, guys.

Man, I finished The Autocracy of Mr Parham, and I don't even feeling like recording passages and notes and stuff. Not just because it's upstairs (god forbid) or because I'm mildly allergic to it... though that second one kind of contributes.... But it was a muddle. HG Wells, come on! Honestly, the end is (SPOILER!) the twist, the hackneyed, "oh hey guys, it was a vivid dream... that everyone else had." There's a reason people don't know this one. Since I'm so great at summarizing books I less than like:
"Hi I'm Mr Parham and I met this guy who is my exact opposite and kind of a jerk but I'll hang out with him for some reason and I hate seances but I'll go to this what so I can remain close to the guy I hate. Oh, look, this ghost is really a Martian. Oh cool, WW2. Oh wait, bad idea, never mind oh no they're gonna kill me--oh. Good morning! Just a dream. Good thing."
Gahhh. But honestly, the dream thing didn't even bother me, because I had gotten so detached and befuddled by that point. By then, I was like "This has to be a dream, HG Wells is just on opium now." Or whatever the drug of choice was in the 20's/30's. I stopped following when the ghost at the seance announced he was a Martian and was going to mess with England, and... What happened to him? I don't even know. Did he purposely try to start WW2? He seemed sinister, but gawwww. Oh, that was a joke for all zero people who read this book.

HG Wells, it's not you, it's me. Oh wait, it's totally you. We need some time apart, till I can find my copy of The Time Machine and maybe love you again.

One thing I did like was when the guy Parham hates questioned him about art. He didn't get what made a painting of a woman art and not a dirty picture, and vice versa. And you know what, samesies. I get incredibly embarrassed when I see naked art of either gender in galleries. I mean, what? Maybe my norms are different from your average gallery-goer, but I see a naked person and I'm not like oh, look at those beautiful brush strokes! I'm like put on your toga, lady. I'm shy, I guess. Or I'm not 'artsy' enough, which is the truth. Sure, I can draw and all, but go on. Try explaining art to me. Why this is, and this isn't. I will stare at you until you feel the need to hold a mirror in front of my nose just to check if I'm breathing. Really. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. IT DEPENDS ON OPINIONS. Don't you try it, I can recognize a logical fallacy from a mile away. Regardless of if I'm wearing my glasses or not. Anyway, where was I? Oh right, art vs. pornography. I'm rolling with Bussy on this one. What is the difference? (Try to ignore negative connotations perhaps, and there aren't any?)

Need to finish We by whatsisface Russian guy whose name I can't possibly attempt with no guide, and halfway through Oryx and Crake my Margaret Atwood.

Good night! (1:18 am)

"An Overture to Illumination"

HI GUYS. I bet you thought I was dead, but I'm not! The Daguar and I are on good terms, and Marky Mark has grown so annoyed with me to dig a hole through his floor and cover it with leaves in hopes I'd go promenading over it, though he probably is thinking about it since I'm so obnoxious about essays. And I hear he's a hard grader, too. But Marky Marrrk. I thought we were buddies. Obviously not. No, kidding, We is great. Besties?

HERE IT COMES. Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer, in my opinion one of the best books ever written, who my favorite teacher said was 'okay' but guess what? I'm the one doing the writing here and circular reasoning so hard you've got motion sickness. Honestly, I can't think of an easy way to describe it other than "illuminated". Seriously. Meg and I were groping for a phrase or word to describe it, and all we could come up with was "Oh my god, that book." Which is why whenever anyone says "oh my god" to me in the henceforth, I respond with "That book?" Did I use the word henceforth correctly, I bet you're wondering... Dude, who even cares. Award for best word ever.

So, yes, there's a movie version as well. But! If you haven't seen it, may I interest you in a brief summary of the plot? A teenager who shares the name as the author is making a pilgrimage to Trachimbrod to find his family's homeland before WWII. He is accompanied by his translator, Alex, Alex's grandfather, and their dog, Sammy Davis Junior, Jr. Mixed in with this are letters of correspondence between Jonathan and Alex, and a retelling of Trachimbrod's colorful history.

Just as a note, before I reread the book this time, it didn't occur to me Little Igor was being beaten. I really thought he was just clumsy. I feel like an idiot... In other news, Alex and Little Igor's father is scum.

So, it's basically impossible for me to give you everything I loved about this book, like with Catch-22, but I will do my very best.

"And she would say, 'Today you believe in God?' And he would say, 'Today I believe in love.'" So it's out of context, but for some reason, this time it resounded with me. And even out of context I think it's cute. By the by, the women he was talking to he did love, in case you thought he sounded like a jerk, which maybe you'd only think if I had type the full page surrounding it but guess what? I have an essay for Marky Mark to finish and about 9,000 other books to post. THIS BOOK LEVEL IS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND! Well, now that we got that out-of-date pop culture reference out of the way...

"We must go backward in order to go forward." I felt I had to mark it for you, Emma. Why? Cough cough! Oh, sorry, I must have had a crab in my throat. A walking crab. Huh? Huh? God, give me the number one comedian award right now. Seriously.

Oh, here's one I love. Yankel D, an eighty some odd year old man is watching his newly-acquired baby sleep. "'Could she be dreaming?' he wondered. 'And if so, what would a baby dream of? She must be dreaming of the before-life, just as I dream of the afterlife.'"

"I will now mention that Sammy Davis, Junior, Junior is often very sociable with hr new friends, but I had never witnessed a thing like this. I reasoned that she was in love with the hero. 'Are you donning cologne?' I asked. 'What?' 'Are you donning any cologne?' He rotated his body so that his face was the seat, away from Sammy Davis, Junior, Junior. 'Maybe a little'... 'Because she loves cologne. It makes her sexually stimulated.' 'Jesus.' 'She is trying to make sex to you. This is a good sign. It signifies that she will not bite.'" HAHA. This is one of the funniest scenes in the whole book. I wish I could remember how this scene went in the movie. But I do remember the "She is deranged, but so so playful" line. (She being Sammy Davis, Junior, Junior.) Which quite frankly could describe Dante too...

"'Is God sad?' 'He would have to exist to be sad, wouldn't He?' 'I know... that's why I was asking, so I might finally know if you believed!' 'Well, let me leave it at this: if God does exist, He would have a great deal to be sad about. And if He doesn't exist, then that too would make him quite sad, I imagine. So to answer your question, God must be sad.'" I call Catch-22 upon this! Actually, a lot of Brod and Yankel D's conversations are Catch-22s. And I like their conversations. They're not infuriatingly Catch-22. They're okay, I recognize this, but I'm okay with is because it's cute it's not I AM RIPPING MY BRAIN OUT RIGHT NOW KAY THANKS BYE. I like this going back and forth the most, however, so that is every reasoning you'll ever need to know for why I chose it. Or is justification the right word? Whatever, I totally botched circular reasoning up there (I think) so it's not like anyone called me on that or this.

Oh, and I love Brod and Yankel D the most. For the record.

Oh, okay! Page 160! This scene is going to be hard to get if you haven't read the book because let's face it, my describing skills are basically just terrible. But Alex takes Jonathan's diary and reads a scene that comes later on, only 'He' and 'Alex' are replaced with 'I', since it happens later on, from Alex's point of view. It makes me curious if it's supposed to be a sort of Breakfast of Champion deal. You know, Kurt Vonnegut's there, playing God. Is God for Kilgore Trout, and the characters in the book, and the whole book, and so on. That Jonathan was predicting the future, actually writing the future, because for Alex, he was God. Does that make sense? Alex is overwhelmed with a rush of emotions, disquiet, anger... With realizing this? the diary:Alex::Vonnegut and the apple:Kilgore Trout? Maybe I missed something, but I'd say it's a fair connection to make. (Dare I invoke some more circular reasoning...?)

Ah. Okay. So, Alex is talking to an old lady who survived the Holocaust who I won't describe because she's important. She is one of the few from her shtetl's destruction that survived. After telling of the gunning, which I would prefer not to go into great detail (it is worse than horrifying) Alex asks her: "'What if it was a challenge of your faith?'... 'I could not believe in a God that could not stop what happened.'"

The scenes with Augustine are too much. They can't be justified here, and I'm probably just cheapening them. If my profile didn't tip you off: READ THIS BOOK.

Aw, I love 'The 120 Marriages of Joseph and Sarah L'.

"We are talking now, Jonathan, together, and not apart. We are with each other, working on the same story, and I am certain that you can also feel it. Do you know that I am the Gypsy girl and you are Safran, and that I am Kolker and you are Brod, and that I am your grandmother and you are Grandfather, and that I am Alex and you are you and that I am you and you are me?"

And Grandfather's story.

"...and his head settled into the pillow damp with Zosha's tears... he understood he was not dead, but in love."

And even for all its sadness it's so beautiful. This book is perfect. It's everything you could want, it's funny to a fault, it's touching enough for you to fall in love, it's absolutely heartbreaking, it's absolutely heartwarming. It sends you to despair and coddles you at the next moment. I love this book. I can say honestly that this book was a book that greatly changed my view of life and gave me something new, at the risk of sounding corny. It was illuminating.

The most upsetting, of course, were the scenes with the Nazis--and beyond that, knowing the colorful and beautiful history that had been destroyed in hardly a blink of an eye. And the desperation of Alex's grandfather, not yet knowing he'd live to be a grandfather. The most beautiful, the most heartwarming--Brod and her husband, when the Dial tells of how she would still be with him every night even knowing she would be beaten and cursed. And I included the scene I thought what funniest. Just thinking about the book makes me want to cry--not entirely of sadness, but of something more. Pain of my heart being full? I'll consult Brod's list.

The movie? I think I'll have to rewatch it soon. Differences, and lacking a lot, but I can't hold it against them, it's good, I like it.




The more I love a book the less coherent these are.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HG WELLS!

Regardless of when this actually gets posted or the date it says, I'm writing this on September 21st. So, I guess it's kind of funny I started The Autocracy of Mr Parham today, huh? I like it so far, actually. More than Invisible Man and his short stories I've read, definitely. There are some pretty funny names of a Dickens manner in here too, Emma. Oh, and before I forget: Google made a cool little tribute to him on their logo. Of course, by the time I post this it will be long gone, but I'm sure there's some facet of Google dedicated to archiving these. (What a cool job drawing those tribute headers would be, huh?) Either way, even though it only kind of sort of spells Google, I'd say it's a good rendition of War of the Worlds. Would HG Wells be pleased? Well, I don't know, he looked like a pretty stuffy old guy. (He looks suspiciously similar to my seventh-grade math teacher... Did HG Wells enjoy making young girls cry?) He probably wouldn't approve of the Internet either, same reasons as Michael Crichton's. Oh, I bet they'd be BFFs! Aw, now I'm sad... Fun Fact!: Did you know War of the Worlds inspired Independence Day, one of my least favorite movies of all time? Well, so the story goes.

Oh, and Michael Crichton is releasing a new book? But he's dead? Well, okay guys. And Jonathan Safran Foer's new book is set to come out 11/2/09! Just in time for my birthday! It's called... Easting Animals. Huh. And apparently his wife writes books, too. (Wait--he's married!? Man!) I wonder if she's actually well-known, or it's like how Stephen King's wife writes books... (I have seen a book of hers once. One book, well, more than once, but always at the same library, so...) Maybe she's a good author, but it's going to take more than one book always there to convince me. And just compared to her husband in general... Aw, now I feel like a jerk. Sorry Tabitha!
Stephen King wrote his 9,000th book ever. After Cell, I'm a little tentative.

Anyway, on with the show! (The Iliad by Homer)
Achilles calls someone a "dog-face".
"...If I don't get my hands on you, strip you of your clothes--the cloak and tunic that cover your genitals..." Thank you for inserting an explanation of what clothes are and what they do in between threatening to beat a man down and send him in exile to a ship. Actually, I'm glad. Totally forgot what clothes do. And what they are. Homer, you're a life saver.

Oh, I thought one was funny because of how stupid a character is: he goes into battle wearing golden armor, aka wearing one of the softest metals ever. Pounded flat or at least somewhat thinly, you can literally bite into it and bend it, or leave teeth marks. No lie. Idiot Amphimachus.

"'Paris, you parody, with your wonderful looks, you sex-crazed seducer, you should never have been born, or married. How I wish that were the case!'" Man, talk about a burn--he just keeps on throwing those insults at Paris, who, quite honestly, deserves it. He started this war, because he was being quite the "sex-crazed seducer". (There's no way in hell that's the original Greek...) Anyways, Paris got served like Thanksgiving dinner.

Aw, it seems I lost the page, but there's a scene where Zeus tells Aphrodite that women aren't good in war and the only thing they are suitable to command is the bed. I don't know about you guys, but I laughed till Sprite came out of my nose. Oh wait, I'm supposed to look mature and educated, aren't I? Son of a--

"'...the god Hades, famed for his horses.'" Or, you know, that whole 'god of the dead' thing. Oh, oh, and the whole 'being James K Woods' thing!

"Aphrodite daughter of Zeus replied..." SHE'S NOT ZEUS'S DAUGHTER. She was born of... Uh. I don't feel comfortable regaling this one for you. Just look it up yourself... God, the Greeks were weird... HELEN'S FATHER WAS A SWAN. I don't think the Greeks quite had the model society we picture. Ever.

"'Achilles, I shall be extremely angry if do as you suggest.'" You totally put the fear into him, I bet. 'Oh no, I'm a hardened warrior, but this guy who talks like my mother is totally putting the fear into me right now. He's gonna be pissed. He might even put me in time-out. Doot doot doot on my BlackBerry. I'm so tweeting about this.' (Wha... where did that go?)

"'The loser will receive this two-handled cup.'" I can just see them now: "Two handles!? One is functional, but two!? By Zeus, someone must have knocked the sculptor's hat off!"

I hope you enjoyed this, Emma! When I finish my essay for Marky Mark I'll do Everything is Illuminated. AKA, never. Sorry.

She's so good-looking that she looks like a man

First, there aren't any book bits today, but bear with me.

According to Borders, it's the sixtieth anniversary of Harlequin Romances. Thank you for making me intensely uncomfortable for advertising that. (Where are the old ladies?) There was a boom sale last year at one of the local elementary schools and there were these two tables chock full of romance books and the old ladies were ALL OVER THAT. Creepiest thing ever.

Anyways, we stopped at this book store and I found The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo and The Descent of Man by Charles Darwin that are at least from the 1930's, or very early forties. Of course, there are no publication dates... So I e-mailed the owner; the cashier thought he'd know.
"I bet Robert [the owner] would know! You can call him at home! I can give you the number if you want."
"Um... No, that's okay. His e-mail's on the bookmark, right? I'll just e-mail him."
As much as I love calling strangers and pressing them about 80-year-old books... So hopefully he'll e-mail me back. On another note, old books are everywhere in Rhode Island. We went into a drugstore/surf shop and they were selling books from the forties in the back near the drinks... Not anything you'd recognize, but...
Anyway, that book store was really cool. It's called The Other Tiger and it's in Westerly... which is a part of RI which looks strangely like Brittany, France.

I was too excited about those two books not to announce it and trick you into thinking I was doing something great. I'm like five pages from finishing Everything is Illuminated, so hopefully I'll finish that later tonight and I can start on The Autocracy of Mr Parham. And I cut my finger on freaking glass so I can't read any more of We. MY KEYBOARD IS PRIME CSI EVIDENCE. No, it's not that bad.

Looked at colleges, too. My mom went to such a beautiful college... It was so tiny, though. It reminded me more of my days in Camp Washington... I miss Camp Washington...
Providence has a beautiful campus. I think I'm in love with any place with trees and green grass. That's one hell of a 'reach' school, however.
Oh, and there was a Washburn hall at URI! Awesome.