So, here we are in the new testament, and the end of this is fast approaching! Obviously this testament starts with the story of Jesus--actually, the first four books of the Bible are about Jesus. So that's good times? Is it unfair to assume that any average reader at least has some inkling of his story so that I won't have to summarize it? Well, I have a lot of notes anyway, so hopefully that will answer any question that may arise. Basic background image: Jesus was a prophet who may or may not have been conceived by the holy spirit unto (into?) the virgin Mary, and thus may or may not have been the son of God.
First off, we have Matthew.
My very first note has to do with a footnote for alternative texts. The footnote says that in some alternative texts, Jesus is referred to as "her firstborn son" (877), which got me wondering--did Jesus have siblings? Why yes, he did, quite a few in fact. They make very brief appearances in these three books, but they do appear. I wonder how they felt about all the hubbub surrounding their older brother.
I also must mention that the story of Jesus going out into the desert for forty days, fasting and being tempted by the devil... Well, it's just that. In every source I've read the story from, or heard the story, it's Satan. Satan is not referred to by name in Matthew's version of the tale. I know it probably seems like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but you must admit, it is a curious situation... Well... I think it's a curious situation. A name can be pretty important, and so can discrepancies in names...
Thus far, in not one of these three books, is Jesus's career as a carpenter mentioned. That too I thought was curious. Come to think of it, I don't think even Joseph's career as a carpenter was mentioned. I wonder where that came from, unless if John has something to say about the matter...
The Beatitudes are only (as of yet) discussed by Matthew, and they say who are those that are of the blessed. The poor in spirit, the mourners, the meek, those who "hunger and thirst" (Matthew 5:6) for righteousness, the merciful, the pure of heart, the peacemakers, the unjustly persecuted, and the reviled and persecuted for other false reasons. "If it weren't for the message of mercy and pity in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, I wouldn't want to be a human being. I would just as soon be a rattlesnake"--Kurt Vonnegut
Hell is mentioned for the first time, though it is used as an adjective more than a place name.
"'You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" Matthew 5:27-28. I was originally going to leave this just as a standalone quote. However, CS Lewis has parodied in one of his many writings, and being that I only came across the parody thanks to CSLewisDaily , I have absolutely no context and can't figure out what the hell he means, or if he's even being serious. Someone please explain this to me: "If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart"-CS Lewis
"'Give to everyone who begs from you'" Matthew 5:38.
"'Your Father in heaven... makes the sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous alike'" Matthew 5:45.
"'Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven'" Matthew 6:1.
"'And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others'" Matthew 6:5.
Jesus's recommended way of prayer: "'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors. And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one'" Matthew 6:9-13. / How we say it at the church I went to: "Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, they will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen." Again, not vastly consequential, but I thought it was intriguing.
"'Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone?'" Matthew 7:9. See, Jesus is thinking he's asking a rhetorical question, but clearly he has never been to Charlie Brown's neighbourhood.
Hell is used as a noun--place name--in Matthew ten. It was apparently associated with a place on earth known as Gehenna, however. (Gehenna was a popular gathering/worshiping/child sacrificing spot for followers of Baal and others.)
Jesus says he has not come to earth to bring peace, but to "'set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'" Matthew 10:35. I mention this mainly because turning sons against their fathers was one of the charges held against Socrates as well.
Salome, is that Salome (the daughter) was in love with John, and wanted him to kiss her. He refused a number of times and when his head is removed from his body, she picks it up and kisses its lips.
Oh, and the story of the loaves and fishes? Apparently like events occurred twice--at least, according to Matthew and Mark, a horde of people (five thousand first, and then four thousand) were fed with seemingly insufficient food supplies. Luke only lists one such event, however...
"'It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but it is what comes out of a mouth that defiles'" Matthew 15:11.
"From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, 'God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.' But he turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things'" Matthew 16:21-23.
So, you remember how in Psalms, I was all "Oh, they gambled for this guy's clothes too! Crazy, huh?" Well, apparently that bit was a prophecy (according to a footnote of that section in this very book) that Jesus after/during his death fulfilled. So, yeah, Wilde was definitely saying Keats equaled Jesus. So... Mystery solved!
Next, we've got Mark's interpretation of events...
Hell is officially a place, known as a place of "'unquenchable fire'" Mark 9:43. It is also a place where "'their worm never dies'" Mark 9:48. I couldn't tell you exactly what that means, though I'd guess that that refers to some sort of dragon that... keeps on... making... fire...? Well, some sort of hell-beast, anyways.
My next note is just similarity of language--Jesus says 'Abba', which our footnote tells us is Aramic for 'father'. Latin for father is 'Abbas'. So... Fun times?
Um... Those are my only notes for Mark. That's... odd. I could have sworn there were more. But okay! It looks like there's a lot more in Luke...
And here is Luke:
Luke too tells the story of Jesus fasting in the desert and being tempted by the devil. It tells the usual story, but it concludes with this: "When the devil had finished every test, he departed from him until an opportune time" Luke 4:13. That raises my eyebrow. The devil doesn't appear at any other point, but... an "opportune time"? Obviously he'd try to tempt Jesus again, but with that--well, it makes me curious. There could be a whole hidden story here. Not a conspiracy theory, but you could really play with that. Like in the garden, knowing he was about to die--I'm just saying. All the disciples were asleep. Maaaaaybe? There's got to be some literature on this.
So, we've settled that Jesus did in fact have brothers, right? Okay, so thus far, in all of the gospels, there's been this short story of Jesus preaching and being told that his mother and brothers are waiting outside because they want to see him. In the first two books, Jesus is kind of cold--he responds with: "'Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?' And pointing to his disciples, he said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother'" Matthew 12:48-50. Yeouch! I get the point he's trying to make, but talk about harsh. Luke has Jesus act a little more nicely about it: "But he said to them, 'My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it'" Luke 8:21.
And another thing I find interesting--there are going to be a lot of tales of exorcism, surprise surprise. And in all of these books, we hear the same story about a man who was possessed by so many demons that when Jesus asks for the name of the man, the man/demons respond with "Legion". In Luke's version of the tale, when it becomes clear that Jesus is fixing to exorcise them, they beg him "not to order them to go back into the abyss" Luke 8:31. This I find really cool! I mean, I've never really given much thought as to why a demon would possess someone before now. If you forced me to make an answer I'd probably guess that it would be out of malice, a chance to wreak havoc, or something like that. Buuuut this makes it seem like they'd do it to escape the ravages of hell. Sure, a demon wouldn't be getting tortured in hell, but it says that it's so terrible even they don't want to be there and would do this to get out--well. Pretty interesting stuff there...
Luke also only has the 'Feeding the Five Thousand' tale; there's no 'Feeding the Four Thousand' tale afterwards.
"Another said, 'I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.' Jesus said to him, 'No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God'" Luke 9:61-62.
Okay, the tale of Martha and Mary--great, it's good that Mary wants to expand her spiritual life and all, but if I was Martha I would not be very receptive of Jesus's response. Like, as a kid I was all for it, but now, I'd be like, "Listen, Jesus. Broski. You're thinking of an ideal civilization, which unfortunately this is not, so you just earned yourself one helping me clean this damn house." Actually, while I'm thinking of that, I'm going to say that maybe that was one of Jesus's problems, or the one thing that really bothers me about him. He's too concerned with after, or the spiritual plane. Hard work and toil has to happen. There are certain things that must be adhered to, and he didn't seem to be quite... with that. He was too much for the future, if you get me. Call me a realist, or a pessimist, but I can't handle that bit so well, at least not in this great amount...
"He said to his disciples, 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more important than food, and the body more than clothing... And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest?'" Luke 12:22-23,25-26.
"'What is impossible for mortals is possible for God'" Luke 18:26.
MLA citation information: Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Edition. American Bible Society: New York, 1989.
Well... In retrospect, maybe I should have done John with these, but since the books have adopted a somewhat regular length again, we're going to try and do three at a time again for as long as possible. So, let's hope the formatting isn't weird (thanks to that Kurt Vonnegut quote, the formatting from this page looks like hell), because I don't know how to fix that. Hmm... More retrospection? I suppose there must be some curiosity regarding my feelings towards Jesus after reading the bona fide texts on him, but I'm going to put that off till I finish John. So... Yeah, I'll see you soon, or perhaps not so soon!
Answer to last post's cryptic song lyrics: Message in a Bottle covered by Matisyahu
This post's cryptic song lyrics: What's the buzz? Tell me what's a-happening
PS. I apologize for the facepalm cryptic song lyrics, but I had to. It was too obvious not to. And anyways, I could have done worse...
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