I finished Damian today. I liked it more than Journey to the East, though both endings left me equally as cold. I mean, they're like... they don't really leave loose ends... but they do. They don't seem... conclusive enough. I mean, (spoilers!) it was obvious Damian had died, and they were almost the same... alpha and omega, yin and yang--they were two people that were really the same person, kind of. But I just... didn't like the ending. But I don't know how Hermann could have improved or changed it or anything, so I guess I can't complain. But I still think the ending was 'ehh...'
But, yeah, I think the point was--like Abraxas, the two of them sort of... became one, at the end, after Damian had died, but was still alive, or had become a part of Emil. But I guess that's not completely true, because Emil had gone down to the lowest pit--so they both had the capability for Abraxas. But upon meeting (and falling in love with) Damian's mother Emil kind of found his muse, his redemption, his holy muse, and saw light again. But Damian was never really evil--he just saw things differently. He was just a little different. He had the mark of Cain, as he said, though I think he meant it quite literally by the end--not just referring to the vibes he gave off, but a literal mark, somehow, passed on...
And Damian's mother, the Muse, an angel in her own right. "some hybrid mother slash lover/ she’d soothe and heal his wounds / And kiss those dying ears so softly that the reaper stops to swoon" Well, that's what I got of her, and the description of her... well, undoubtedly it makes her appear like a goddess or angel. The both of them, mother and son, appeared to have the divine and all. (and while we're thinking of yellow cat/red cat, I'm starting to feel like the lonely goat who feeds 'him' quotes...)
And, there's one section where Emil speaks with a school mate about resisting sexual contact or temptation... and by doing so, the longer you can resist it or live without it or whatever, the 'purer' you become. And it made me think of a bit in Paradise Lost (which I completely forgot about finishing... aw, crud...) where... Well, I can't remember the exact line, but the line is translated at the bottom of the page (this is the B&N edition) to its basic meaning. Basically, the line is saying that the angels have sex (I think what it actually said was 'sensual love', but, really...) all the time. Which befuddles me. How come it's okay for them to constantly be fooling around, but humankind is punished for it? John Milton doesn't bother explaining or dwelling on the subject, and he appears to be the only writer who has that thought... I mean, I'm not saying, go whore around! St Peter won't mind! Tell him John Milton made you do it! (That'd make an awesome shirt...) But I just don't get it. Then again, in Murder Mysteries (a comic book spearheaded by Neil Gaiman) the two angels who are first to love and have sex (well, they have more 'sensual love' than anything else--the angels in the book were simply eunuchs, so they couldn't really 'have sex') are eventually both killed. With love and sex comes jealousy, hatred and murder? Well, I'm not surprised.
Anyways. I sure don't get it. It's kind of unfair with that double standard. Now, keep in mind, Paradise Lost is sympathetic towards Satan... but... supposedly the reason he became disgusted and left... well, I've heard several different stories... one of which was that Satan was not allowed to 'touch' (ie, be near or be in the presence of him) the deity Job, which I don't understand. Job is a human in the bible, so unless we're going by a Vonnegut-ish sense of time, that just doesn't work. Maybe. In Murder Mysteries, he left God because he could not see what was 'just' in the killing of a fellow angel. He was the first to cry, so Vengeance said. Of course, that's sympathetic for him too. But really? I think he is a character who needs sympathy, which sounds weird, I know. No matter what, I have the feeling that what bugged him, was maybe the sort of inconsistencies he saw. Not the sex thing, either. Maybe the hierarchies, in the case of Job. He was jealous, alright, but if God's playing favorites... He didn't want to be a nothing, one of the multitude, a faceless angel in a flock of angels. Let me paraphrase Chuck Palahniuk for the ninety thousandth time in my life: What would rather be, God's worst enemy or nothing at all? Who doesn't want to be noticed, who doesn't want to be remembered? Their fifteen minutes of fame? Satan is more human than you'd think. Is that want to be something evil? Let me paraphrase you-guess-who again... How your dream will drive you insane and then kill you. That is, he became consumed with that want--it didn't kill him, but let's say he's humankind's prolonged martyr. Heaven's Tyler Durden.
Holy God.
I never realized that before. Huh. Damn. Well.
I believe I've shocked myself.
But there are so many similarities! (Minus, the idea of the Fight Club, but Tyler himself...)
...
I don't think Palahniuk meant it that way, but...
Woah.
I... I was going to continue... but...
Oh hell, I might as well. Going back to Murder Mysteries, it's also possible something shattered his loyalty. And he wanted to create something better, or he just "wanted something better" in general. And again, he's a human. "If being born makes your parents God, then puberty makes you Satan for wanting something better"--Guess Who. I've only name-dropped him like five times. He's too human not sympathize with, really. I reject what he has been bastardized into. Maybe it happened that way because us humans were scared to recognize, after all stories had been told and such (did the base story for Paradise Lost exist before Milton wrote it?) it was feared to be like... well, that kind of explains those strict puritanical rules and such. The expulsion of all similarities, mayhaps? Well, I dunno. It's late, okay? I guess in this case, there's really no backbone text like the Bible you can sort of rely on. Well, you know. Anyways, I think I'm gonna head off.
....
I better do a dissertation or something on this in college.
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