I'm gonna get you one better: baddest one around

My Oscar Wilde action figure came in the mail today! Awesome. His main weapon? Wit. Unlike Meg's Marie Antoinette, whose main weapon is her flying unattached head. Anyways, the point of this wasn't to brag. Well, some of it was. But! Most of it was to talk about the movie Zathura.

I haven't read the short story it's based off of, though I'm sure I don't need to because everyone has read 'Jumanji', owns the game and has seen the movie. They're by the same guy. Uh... not that I could tell you who. But come on guys: 'Jumanji'! Anyone reading this has to know it.

The point is, whether you know 'Jumanji' or not (shame on you!) this is basically the same. Only in space. And no, there weren't any elephants stampeding in space, which after reading this comic, well... I kind of wanted there to be. But when I tell you these films basically were the exact same thing, uh, yeah, they were. Except without the ironic twist at the end, which is unfortunate, and actually I can't even remember if it happened in both the story and the movie of 'Jumanji' or just the story. Only in space. With really scary lizard aliens that had me screaming at the kids: "OH MY GOD YOU IDIOTS HAVEN'T YOU SEEN JURASSIC PARK BEFORE!?" There are very little commas when I scream. Fact. Seriously. Okay, but no, I'm being mean. Regardless of the similarities, this was an enjoyable movie. Even if I spent the first half wanting to kill Walter. What a brat! Though, if I was named Walter, I'd probably have a lot of anger to work out against the world too. The thing that most annoyed me, though? The six-year-old asks his father to play Smash Brothers (as in 'Super') with him... and he's carrying PS2 controllers. Okay. Come on. Favorite? When the older sister regrets renting the movie Thirteen and watching it with her father. Oh, okay, and that cool time-rift thingy with Walter. That was different from Jumanji. Oh, and their house! Best house ever. Pajama Sam made me want a dumbwaiter.

Oh, right, the movie itself: good. It actually did scare me, but I do have a natural fear for anything that naturally resembles a dinosaur. But it was really cool! Space! Black holes! Aliens! Woah! I was excited for it. Seriously, there's no reason why it shouldn't be the Jumanji of this--generation? Sixteen going on fifty. But really, is there even a Zathura board game? So far as I know, no. And it would be a seriously cool board game, too. I mean, it would have to be changed a little, of course, but I don't think I ever flooded the house while playing Jumanji either, so... And who my age doesn't own Jumanji the game? Zero. (Actually, my math tutor didn't even know of the game, but he's twenty-six and therefore a geezer. Sorry Danny!) But really. Marketing problem? Has to be. Too cool. Man, I'm making my own Zathura game! I was going to use this poster board for my astronomy project, but I doubt Mr Washburn will even notice if I hand in my Scorpius one from last year.

Maybe it was the lack of Robin Wlliams. Oh man, I bet. Ugh! How do I not own Jumanji! It's so good! Well?

Mm, you know, I read a book that was kind of like this, only terrible. Interstellar Pig by William Sleator. Man, I don't care what awards it got. There were some really cool parts, but it was killed by the fact that it was poorly written and put together. And he wrote a sequel!? Oh, William. William.


You know, now that I'm thinking about it, that lion in the bedroom scene from Jumanji is kind of a rip-off of an episode of The Twilight Zone. There's an episode where this guy angers a Voodoo witch doctor somehow and starts imagining he can hear and see creatures of the jungle all over what I'm assuming was NYC. At the end, terrified and shaken he opens the door to his bedroom--to find a hungry lion waiting on the bed. It gets up to pounce, and the camera cuts away, and that might have been the most nasty implied ending to a Twilight Zone ever.



Uh... was there a point to this post? You should--you should probably just read Joe's review.